Finding me muse
by BlueTrinity
Summary: I lost my muse Now, with the help of Sands from OUATIM, the voices in my head, Depp the monkey an Cap'n Jack We're going to get him. It has Jack AND Sands in it, Ask yourself, Can I pass this up? No? So hurry up an read it, fore it reads you! Savvy?
1. Describing my madness

Rating - R  
  
Content - lots of swearing so if you are offended please don't read on, but if you do please don't be offended (if that makes any sense) Remember you've been warned.  
  
Summery - After losing my muse in the Caribbean I have to enlist the help of Sands from OUATIM and the voices in my head to help find him.  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own any of the original characters, although the things that I would do with Jack and Johnny and Sands. It's not worth thinking about well it is but I won't get away with typing it at an R rating.  
  
I can say I own Cat and Cash (the voices inside my head unfortunately) But get this, if the whole story takes place in my head don't I own that to, even though I am not making any money from it I mean what's the worst that could happen Disney could come and take the voices and my head away, as things go that's not to bad at least It'll be quiet for a while.  
  
Only kidding for some strange reason I've grown attached to my head apparently it's the only one I'll ever have, so I don't own any characters that you recognise I only play with them for short periods in time. Well sometimes when I'm alone at night too, but we're not going into that Just yet... I've only Just met you.  
  
Anyways on with the fic,  
  
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This is a not so short story about an event that took place when I was writing a Pirates of the Caribbean fic.  
  
So it all actually happened, granted it all happened in my head which, as you may learn or already know is a strange and scary place.  
  
At some point in the fic that I was writing Buck (my muse) and I were standing on the deck of the Black Pearl discussing our next plot line and move when I was distracted by a spectacular view, Jack bent over and I got a good view of his ass which was looking very nice and rounded, you know just for future reference it might be important or crucial to my plot I have to take note of these things, I am the author you know.  
  
When I looked back around after a moment or five Buck was nowhere to be seen and that was the last I heard or saw of him, he was just gone, vanished leaving no trace.  
  
Of course I looked for him, I really did but he was nowhere to be seen, and as I wasn't written into the story I couldn't very well ask anyone for help due to the fact that they couldn't see or hear me.  
  
Normally I would just wait for him to return and leave the story to its own devices, but Buck is more than just my muse...... No, he's not my lover; he is however the peace in my head the quiet place, the calm, the utter silence. He's so calm and collected, that is until he tells a story then he gets a little bit loud and crazy.  
  
Let me explain about the thoughts and voices in my head to let you understand more about them.  
  
There's me; I'm well... I'm me, not much I can say there. I'm going to be twenty soon, I'm Scottish, I used to watch the Fast Show religiously (honestly that was before I found out about Johnny Depp loving it, but then what self respecting person can say they don't?) and I have a tendency to drink too much rum, depending on what you think is too much rum, maybe for Jack I won't drink enough.  
  
I have a thing for Johnny Depp, but then who doesn't? My hair is long, dark blonde with a lighter shade of blonde highlight, I am neither fat nor skinny (I'm festive, says with a grin) and my eyes are sometimes grey sometimes blue. I have ample cleavage which in my opinion is one of my best features that and my grip on sanity.  
  
I suppose that I could be described as pretty, nice to look at but I look horrible in pictures, that's pretty much me, oh and my name is Linz. I'm fine, honestly I am it's the other two that you'll have to watch out for.  
  
First there's Cash he's the voice who always wants to look after me, the protective one, he'll make casual observations about people who can be trusted and the ones who are lying, he's pretty much always right except for that one time with the otter, well I won't get in to that just now.  
  
He hates my boyfriend because he makes me cry, and when I do cry he gives me big mental hugs and tells me that I can do better than him. If I had to describe him I'd say that he was 5'9 with shortish dirty blonde hair and grey/blue eyes, you know that just before the storm colour (we get that colour in Scotland a lot). He's the loyal, strong silent type that sees me as his, something to be protected according to him I belong to him, which gets very confusing because he's in my head.  
  
If truth be told (which it has to be for this story to make any sense) he is the perfect man, he's what I look for in every man I meet (I know that it's not very healthy but it's just the way it is). I always saw him as a knife thrower, carrying lots of blades, but the other day he pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot my boyfriend between the eyes, which was pointless cause he lives in my head, but the sentiment was appreciated, not by Neil though.  
  
Between me and you I think it hurts him that he can't fight my battles for me especially when I fight with Neil (boyfriend), Cash really hates him.  
  
But I diverse from the original descriptions of my madness.  
  
If Cash can be described as the strong protective voice, then Cat is the reason that I'm "slightly" unhinged she's the one that always suggests things like "throw the glass, chair, knife, book, video, cat" she often wonders what it would be like to take a knife to Neil's throat while he sleeps, or her latest is a hot needle to pierce his ear drum only one ear so that when he wakes up in pain he can still hear us laugh, Cash agrees with her when it comes to hurting Neil (Neil said that Cash was gay once which didn't exactly endear Cash to him) so I try not to listen to them much while I'm at Neil's flat for obvious reasons.  
  
Thanks to her constant ramblings I've considered the possibilities and logistics of things that most sane people wouldn't even dream about and, I must admit that not all of it terrifies me, most of it does, but not all.  
  
Cat is 5'6 with long strait black hair to her waist and green eyes. She's thin and agile and pretty. I think that her and Cash have a small thing for each other but thankfully all they do is argue, I don't think I could hold on to my sanity long enough if they started doing it in my head (shudder).  
  
Then there's (or was) Buck my muse. He's small, about two foot tall and light blue and fluffy. He looks a bit like an e-wok from Star Wars and when he's around all is still and at peace in my head there is no voices telling me that I can do better than my boyfriend, and no voice telling me to garrotte him, or wondering just how much damage can you do with just a small piece of wire and a lighter.  
  
He has been gone for two weeks and I miss him, Cash and Cat are driving me crazy literally. I nearly took a make-up brush to a clients eye just for the sheer hell of it (I am a make-up artist and Cat promised me the eye would squish nicely) I have decided to go after him I need the sheer contentment inside my head.  
  
Even if I have to go into the story and shoot the little fucker in the knee caps, skin him alive and wear him back out as a hat (kay, that wasn't me talking, you see the thoughts that I have to put up with in my head)  
  
The original story was about a girl called Jane Wood who had been found in Tortuga by Jack and he had allowed her to sail with them. Jack had thought that he had taken aboard a poor scared little girl with a pretty face and a kind heart, but she in fact was a cold calculating bitch who was spying on him for Captain Harris an old enemy of Jacks. Buck and I were going to kill her off as soon as we got the chance (we hated her), now however it looks like I am going to have to write myself in to the story to find Buck.  
  
Once an author/character goes in to a story they can't come back out until they have accomplished whatever it is that they went in to do. Also I will have no control over any of the characters or plot once I write my self and others in. Going in is risky but it will have to be done in order to find Buck and my sanity.  
  
I need back-up, I already have Cash and Cat but I need at least one more someone who knows people and who can manipulate them. Silently I run through the list in my head;  
  
-Lucas Buck- that would be a no, he would probably just end up doing something creepy and then get into a fight with Cash .  
  
-Edward- no, again. He took Peter to St Louis, that and Donna hates me and so would never let him play.  
  
-Leon- (Cash, stop laughing) no, too soppy he would probably pick up some kid along the way and get him and us killed.  
  
What I need is someone who would counteract that traitorous Jane bitch, Cat would gladly gut her but I need someone who can twist things and make them work to our advantage just like she can, and that was when I came up with my answer as simple as it was genius, it would be hard to pull off but, if he agrees and we manage to fool the pirates and Jack, then poor not so sweet Jane wouldn't have a chance. I've only worked with him once before, that didn't go so well, too many dead bodies ended up on the ground, this is gonna be fun or at the very least full of violence.  
  
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Please review.  
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	2. Catching bees with vinagar

If anyone is actually reading/understanding the madness that is my head then please, please review it,  
  
I would like to know what you think; I mean should I sign my self up for a mental ward somewhere? They do give you free drugs after all, honestly I would like the input cause free drugs don't sound all that bad does it?  
  
Disclaimers and warnings - I don't own any of the characters that you recognise, but if I did I would probably kill Sands cause he's a pain in the ass and won't stop swearing. Also he's been teaming up with Cat in her bid to make me crazy... their almost there  
  
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Which brings me back to the present, and the reason that I'm standing outside a small dusty cantina in Mexico. Cash and Cat are with me as always although this time they are in physical form and out of my head (thank god). I pause briefly, smiling at the thought of the quiet in my head knowing that during our whole stay in Mexico, and in the Caribbean my head is going to be empty and I'll be free, my thoughts drift deeper to the fact that I am still technically in my head and therefore not alone but probably insane.  
  
Frowning, I cut that crazy train of thought right off shaking my head a little to make sure that it's completely gone. Turning to Cat I say,  
"Don't kill or maim anyone."  
  
Instead of answering me she just gives one of her all purpose alligator grins which could mean anything from "Yes Linz, I understand you." to "I wonder what you would look like without any skin."  
  
"I'm serious Cat, no fights; you are half of the reason that everyone got killed last time." Then turning to Cash, who's brooding behind Cat,  
  
"Cash, we need him, if we don't get him then we can't get Buck back and then I'll go crazy and kill myself. You don't want that to happen do you?"  
  
Cash, who had taken a huff when I told him who we needed, sighs dramatically and throws his arms up in defeat.  
  
"Fine, Fine, you go and recruit the blind crazy man who with the help of our own resident crazy, nearly got us all killed last time. Ill baby-sit the little kitten here. You have fun now."  
  
He puts his hand at the small of Cat's back and starts to direct her inside and towards the bar despite her threats of castration with a rusty fork . I follow them feeling slightly guilty; after all I was the one who fired first the last time.  
  
As I enter the Cantina the first thing I notice is the place smells like stale beer, tequila, old blood and piss (or old piss and blood, I wouldn't really know). Cash and Cat are at the bar downing tequila. The song on the old radio propped up on the bar sounds suspiciously like "Forever Night Shade Mary" from the Desperado sound track.  
  
I spot the man I'm looking for immediately.  
  
Agent Sheldon Jeffery Sands is sitting in the corner of the shit-hole cantina with his dark glasses covering what I know to be two gaping holes in his face. In front of him is a half eaten plate of food, probably slow roasted pork and a tequila and lime, he's smoking one of those roll-up cigarettes that he favours, though god knows how he rolls them nowadays, probably gets some kid to do it.  
  
He "looks" up when he hears walking towards him his right hand hovering dangerously close to his gun.

"Mind if I join you?," I ask while pulling up a chair and sitting down, not bothering to hear his answer knowing that it would be something like "fuck off".  
  
But he just smirks that sexy little smirk that he knows has a bad effect on my insides... well he might not know it but I do.  
  
"Sure, why not?...and no."  
  
"No to what? I haven't asked for anything, yet," I stutter out just a bit unsure. I really need his help, not a good position to be in.  
  
He smiles although this time it isn't sexy more a bearing of teeth, a warning.  
  
"Yet... No, sugar butt, I want no part in whatever you have planed and in that respect I see no point in you being here so make like a little tree why don't you," looking to Cat and Cash who are at the bar oblivious to our conversation I say with a smile knowing he can hear in my voice.  
  
"You don't see much of anything lately do you?"  
  
Immediately regretting my words when I find myself looking down the barrel of his gun, baiting him was a bad Idea, who would have thought?  
  
"Say that again" his words are no more than a hiss tempting me as he begins to squeeze down on the trigger, I opt not to repeat my last sentence but instead decide to try and sell my idea to him,  
  
"Sands, I have a proposition for you, I want you to come with me to the seventeenth century Caribbean, to help me look for my blue, fluffy muse Buck, who could be any where in that time period. He's probably cold, wet and all alone waiting to be rescued," for the last sentence I make my voice small and full of pity hoping he'll help me.  
  
"Or he could be lying on a beach drinking rum surrounded by whores." he counters with that smirk back on his face, damm him.  
  
Okay think, but before I can think of anything he starts speaking again unable to keep the anger out of his voice.  
  
"Why would you need me anyway I'm just a crazy, EX CIA agent, who can't fucking see and (waving the gun for emphasis) I'm about to shoot you." That's it I've had enough by now I snap, obviously being nice does nothing for him and something tells me that I'm more likely to catch this bee with vinegar that, and I'm royally pissed off.  
  
"Look Sands, I don't have time to stroke your ego (he opens his mouth to say something, I hold my hand up) Don't even think about it, this has been a bad two weeks for me, okay? I don't have a whole lot of time here so this is it, in case you haven't noticed you are not the only, crazy one here. Without Buck, my only constant mental companions have been have been those two Fuckmooks over there at the bar so I'm slightly unhinged kay? Your gun bothers me not, cause I don't give a rats ass if you blow my brains out and leave me for dead in this shit hole, savvy?"  
  
Letting him process the information but not letting him speak (which is a key element when dealing with Sands) I continue as he puts away the gun.  
  
"Now, I need you because you can get into peoples heads, mess them up, tell me if they know anything. In other words I basically need you to headfuck a whole bunch of pirates. In return I'll give you your eyes back it's my story if I say that you can see then you can. Also our journey will start in Tortuga and we all know what is in Tortuga (whores, rum and gold). I'll even let you torture information out of people though you'll have to fight Cat for that one, so ex agent Sands do we have an accord?"  
  
He just sits there quietly looking at me, well obviously not looking. Just when I think that he's not going to speak he smiles and says,  
  
"I want one more thing, but I'll tell you when we get there, when do we leave?" he stands up and takes my hand. I signal to Cash and Cat they too stand,  
  
"Right about, now"  
  
Then that's it I'm sitting in front of my computer the only difference is I can feel Sands in my head squirming about. Wanting him out as soon as possible I start to type writing us into the story,  
  
That night four strangers found themselves in Tortuga all of them could see and had eyes they had enough weapons on them to plunder a small village or take down an entire drug cartel (Sands will you please stop writing for me or I'll make you a eunuch) and they had enough money on them to buy a small or large boat not that they were going to they were after only one ship, The Black Pearl and information and revenge was what they were after.  
  
Then it was done we were inside the story and I no longer had control over what would happen.  
  
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If anyone gets confused at any point e-mail me or review and I'll try to help but generally I'm just as confused my self.


	3. Tortuga

Disclaimers - See first chap not that I don't mind not owning them it's just (sigh) the fun that me and Jack would get up to if I owned him. Well I wouldn't be typing this now.  
  
Warnings - swearing cause that's what Sands does, me too I think he polluted my fragile mind.  
  
The four of us found ourselves in front of the docks of Tortuga.  
  
All wearing pirate garb, all but Sands who was for some strange reason wearing a worn out, black leather cowboy hat and black cowboy boots he was, in fact wearing all black which made him look very pale in contrast, especially cause his shirt has only one button at the bottom leaving a big triangle of smooth, pale, muscle.  
  
There is a small scar that runs down from his right nipple and disappears down into his waist band, briefly I wonder how low it goes. Before my attention snaps up to his face and I see his eyes, so dark that they almost look black by the light provided by the rapidly setting sun. A person could drown in those eyes if they weren't careful.  
  
"What are you looking at? (his voice telling me that he clearly knew what I was staring at) I see that you conveniently neglected to write any buttons for my shirt in your story. So you like what you see?" With a wolfish grin that even Jack Sparrow himself would be proud of, his eyes try to capture mine.  
  
For a moment he nearly has me I can just feel myself melting (in all the right places, god he's hot), almost giving into the intensity of his stare I avoid eye contact not trusting myself, knowing that I can't refuse those eyes if they wanted me to I'd do him right here on the dock, it would be fun, oh yes it would be, however he would most likely leave me here, with nothing but hot, sweaty memories and a bullet in my head (which would kind of negate the memories part), but its still worth considering for one night. No (not that I would mind him leaving the next day its, kinda the bullet in the head that I object to). I try the best I can to hide my thoughts, no matter how yummy they are and say,  
  
"I didn't write to specify clothes they just happened... thankfully. But I'm glad to see, that you can see, that you see",  
  
"You see?" Cash butts in with a smile, I think just pleased to see that I'm not thinking about fucking Sands anymore.  
  
Cat just looks confused and Sands just looks around pretending to be bored and ignores us, for now apparently given up on the conversation or planning some insane Machiavellian plot to destroy us all and I'll bet my chances with Jack Sparrow that it's the latter.  
  
The smell of salt in the air and the sounds of the waves lapping gently against the boats in the harbour actually have a calming effect as the four of us just stand and take in the sights and smells that is Tortuga.  
  
Moving my head to look at the ships I hear beads rattling and look for the source, after a while I discover that my hair has been braided and beaded with different colours of blue beads all different shapes and sizes and silver beads and cool coloured threads and other baubles I pick a couple of strands up to examine them, ooh shiny.  
  
Suddenly Sands starts to laugh.  
"What now?," I practically groan, he smirks at my reaction and his gaze travels down my body,  
  
" I take it all back, everything I said about the clothes we're wearing, you did in fact not write in specifications for them" he has this boyish grin on his face like he's just caught his best friends big sister in the shower, and then fucked her twice.  
  
"You didn't moan that much about the clothes" I kinda get what he's saying but I'm not really wanting to look down. He keeps his gaze firmly on my chest and says in a soft drawl  
  
"I was planning too, but now I have something far more interesting to do." I have to look down I really do and, oh my god, what am I wearing, well not a lot.  
  
On the bottom half its okay there's material at least, just dark brown trousers and boots, but up top there isn't much, or well there is depending on how you see it. And we all knew how Sands saw it. The words strategically placed cloth don't even cover it (pun not intended) at least I'm still wearing my black wonder bra which I'm sure will be very easy to explain to seventeenth century pirates. I suppose the offending piece of cloth started life as a brown strap top but it now has so many rips and slashes that it doesn't even cover the bra.  
  
"Cat, give me your coat your wearing a shirt" Trying to act nonchalantly; yup this is me, just standing in a pirate haven in a bra I'm cool (I'm fucking freezing), I don't mind. I don't care ye sure I do it all the time. Briefly I consider whistling and rocking back and forth on my heels but decide against it.  
  
"Why should I give you my big coat, I'm warm" My god sometimes she's like a child  
  
"Yeh well I'm cold. You have to give me the coat cause I'm the Captain, look see my hat (I point to my hat) if I'm the captain then you're my crew (I hold a hand up to shut Sands, the fuck up) and if you're my crew then you do whatever the fuck I say, subsequently if your thinking of mutiny, don't bother cause you live in my head if I die you die savvy?."  
  
"Aye captain" she says mockingly as she thrusts the jacket in my direction. I put it on and wrap it around me cuddling into the warmth.  
  
"Speakin o' which I want all o' ye teh star' speakin like proper pirates okay?" everyone nods the affirmative on that Sands who has given up on leering at my chest now that it is covered by Cat's leather coat just mutters and begins to roll a roll-up, but his mutterings sounded kinda pirate-like so I'll take it as a yes.  
  
Now all we needed was a place to go. I know from the story that Jack was playing poker at The Ten Bells which is his favourite tavern in Tortuga that's where Jane will find him tonight so we'll have to make sure that doesn't happen, but I know that on the other side of Tortuga in a place called The Chamber Pot, Captain Harris is there plotting against Jack and we can't let that happen either. I need to be on the Pearl to find Buck but if Harris is planning on attacking it, that's not gonna be any good.  
  
"So we have to split up. Two of us should go and find Jack and the other two can go and take out Harris so any preference as to who you all get for a partner?"  
  
"I'm not with him no way" Cash says looking to Sands in disgust  
  
"Looks like I'm with you sugarbutt, cause I'll be dammed before I go any where with that" Sands waves his hand, roll-up and all, in the general direction of Cat.  
  
"Hey! What's wrong with me? I'm not that bad (pulls out a knife from some where and points it threateningly) any more of that and I'll take my knife to your new eyes. Boy" Sands just gives me a look that plainly says that she's just made his point, I nod an assent.  
  
"Cash you take Cat to The Chamber Pot eliminate Harris and his crew don't do it tonight get on his ship, find out all you can about Buck if they know anything and then kill them and take the ship. I'll find Jane at The Ten Bells tonight before she gets anywhere near Jack and send her over your way I need her dead, very dead if she lives then she'll annoy the hell out of me and that can't be allowed to happen.  
  
Once you take the ship either take it here and sell it or get a crew. We will get on The Black Pearl and look for Buck there and we'll meet you either here in Tortuga or on the ocean. If you find Buck or decide to go any where leave a note for me at The Ten Bells we'll do likewise. Any questions?"  
  
I stop to take a breath.  
  
"No, no questions I think you have made it abundantly clear what you wish us to do, unless of course that is you would like to write it down perhaps?" Cash at his sarcastic best,  
  
"Don't get pissy with me, I'm not going to see you for a very long time, And Cat don't forget what I told you about mutiny" She walks away muttering something to the effect of yes mother.  
  
Cash walks up to Sands and tells him something he keeps his voice low making sure that I don't hear it, I make a mental note to ask Sands what he said. He then walks up to me and kisses me on the cheek.  
  
"I don't like this but there's no point in arguing with you so I'll go, take care and be safe" With that, and an extra glare for Sands he left.  
  
As I watch him go I start to feel really bad, Cash would protect me till the last breath leaves his body and now he's going, I'm all alone, this worries me, there's always Sands but I just don't know, he might look out for me but lets face it Sands worries me more than being alone in Tortuga.  
  
As Cash vanishes out of sight Sands turns to me with a smile  
  
"Now that the kiddies have been put to bed, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to The Ten Bells milady?" he holds out his arm (the perfect gentleman), I hesitate but finally slide my arm in his and we head off to find Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
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Reviews are adored and cherished. 


	4. The Ten Bells

Disclaimers - I own none of the characters that you recognise, unless you recognise it from an earlier chapter. I own me (I think) and Cash and Cat and the bad Pirates- Captain Harris and Jane (I really don't like her) Wood.  
  
Warnings- Hey I don't even think that I swear in this chapter I'll make up for it next time round. Also Jacks kinda not in this one, well only at the end. But he's sooooo in the next one.  
  
A/n- I just want to thank Splash Fate for the review, you have no idea how much better it made me feel to know that someone is reading this. And yeah I think your right I'm gonna have to write bits from Cash's POV but not for a while yet (or at least in this chapter). I just hate the thought of getting inside his head, cause he's in mine I can foresee a lot of headaches in my future. Oh well at least I don't have to go to Cat, I refuse point blank to go there.  
  
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As we entered the pub I mentally checked my weapons, two pistols with additional shot, one in each pocket, a dagger in my boot and one at the small of my back and lastly I had a sword at my side not that I know how to use a sword but it can't be that hard, pointy end first right?. We walk to the bar and order two jugs o' rum and sit at a table quite near the door just in case we have to make any sudden exits which I pray that we do not.  
  
"So tell me about your Jack Sparrow eh? What's he like?,"  
  
"It's Captain Jack, and he's not mine, what do you want to know?" Sands waves his hands around in circles.  
  
"Anything generally that you think would be important. Who will he be with? What does he eat? What does he drink? What does he fuck? And what are his preferences or will he just do anything?"  
  
I frown at his ability to keep his voice so neutral, so he's gathering information okay I can help him with that.  
  
"He's with his first mate, Gibbs, he eats food and drinks rum" motioning to the jugs I take a drink and feel the warmth spread through me, Sands also takes a drink and then takes a roll up from his pocket and lights it with a silver Zippo and then waves his hand for me to continue I pause a second just to annoy him and take a long swig of the rum, not to long a swig it wouldn't do anyone any good to get drunk. Well it would do me a lot of good to get drunk just not now.  
  
"He sleeps with women, mostly whores from different ports no preference that I know of except for easy ones, he thinks of himself as a ladies man. The only woman that he truly loves is the Black Pearl, his ship which was stolen from his by his mutinous first mate Barbossa. He just got it back last year"  
  
"Well golly don't keep me in suspense for any longer or I think I'll just burst from lack of knowledge." He's giving me that look that means that he clearly thinks that he's met crabs with more intelligence than I have and he isn't referring to the sea dwelling type.  
  
I tell him the tale of Jack and Will going to find Elizabeth and about the Aztec gold when I have finished telling the story he just sits back and after a while he says, with a shudder.  
  
"God it sounds like some crappy Disney movie." I just smile, if Sand found out that this all started as a Disney movie he'd kill me, just on the principle of bringing him here.  
  
"Well it sounds to me that the man loves his ship it was a pretty story you told me, the origin of which I dare not consider, seems to me that the true "love" (the word love is spat venomously from his mouth) story was between this man and his ship. So I concur that if you get the ship then you've got Captain Jack Sparrow by the balls,"  
  
"But we don' want Jack by the balls," Sands just smirks and lit up another roll-up. I sigh appearing to loose my patience while secretly thinking how fun it would be to get the good Captain by said balls.  
  
"All we need is passage aboard his ship besides, your plan sucks, the logistics of it are all wrong even if we got the Pearl which we're not gonna cause we don't want anything from Jack, can you even sail a ship?,"  
  
"Oh why yes, now that you mention it, the first thing that I was taught to do when I joined the C.I.A was how to sail a seventeenth century pirate ship just in case I was ever stuck in the position that I'm in now" he sarcastically drawls with that I'm stupid look on his face again, which is beginning to piss me off cause I'm not stupid, really I'm not, I may be with stupid but I'm not stupid.  
  
"Why is everyone getting so pissy with me today, at least you could thank me for giving you your sight back."  
  
He looks me in the eyes for a fraction of a second before lowering his gaze to my feet. He starts to slowly ever so slowly travel up the length of my leg and up, he only looks at me but it's so intense that I practically feel him touching me. His face darkens; he looks like he is committing every curve and line of my body to memory. I start to feel really uncomfortable... well not so much uncomfortable as other things that would be oh so nice. He reaches my upper thigh and things low in my stomach clench, my mouth goes dry and I thank god that I'm sitting cause I think my knees just went weak.  
  
By the time he makes it to my chest his gaze lingers there for a second as he bites his lower lip in thought, before moving he steady gaze to my face studying it the way he did the rest of my body and I feel heat rise to my cheeks and I try to swallow a sip of rum, feeling like a rabbit caught in headlights.  
  
His rich chocolate coloured eyes meet my blue ones. His are full of promises of long a sweaty night full of passion and rough sex and mine? I don't even want to know, after what seems like hours I remember to breathe and take a long drink of rum looking at my feet to avoid eye contact.  
  
Lies his eyes are lying to me, regaining composure I clear my throat and ignore the part of me that's saying, his eyes aren't lying about the rough sex and long nights. Bullet in the head, bullet in the head, bullet in the head, bullet in the head, bullet in the head.  
  
I repeat this to myself several times as I raise my gaze, a nice little mantra that I think I will become very familiar with. He raises an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side in a questioning way, apparently changing the subject not that we were on one,  
  
"Nice view, I thought you said you were fat and ugly?" Nope, no subject change for me.  
  
"No I said that I was festively plump and did not look good in pictures" I say, unsure of where this is going avoiding his eyes cause I don't want to get lost in them and very glad that I didn't lose my voice though it was a little croaky.  
  
He bites his lip again worrying it in thought while he pulls out another roll-up it would be a cute gesture had it not been Sands who did it.  
  
"You still owe me something remember?" That boyish grin was back on his face.  
  
I don't have a clue what to say but I am thankfully saved from having to say anything because Jack Sparrow has just walked into the pub and sat down at a small table where he began to round up people for a game of poker.  
  
I turn to Sands trying to forget our last conversation.  
  
"So can you play?" a big smile appeared on his face and it looked genuine, well at least not overly fake.  
  
"Now that was something that they taught me to do at the C.I.A"  
  
"What? Play poker?" I let my voice show that I didn't believe him  
  
"No, well... kind of. You see its called creative sportsmanship, one must play to win and in doing so rig the game" he said in a teaching voice, a person could learn a lot from that voice if they had time to listen through all his other crap.  
  
"From what I hear Jacks the best at this "creative sportsmanship" in the story he won most of his games, how do you know that he won't beat you" Sands looks at me like I just claimed that the sun won't rise tomorrow. Shaking his head he pats me on mine, like one might do a small child, condescending basterd.  
  
"He's only second best sugarbutt" and then he leaves the table with his rum and heads over to join the poker playing pirates. I sigh and follow his lead. It's Showtime.  
  
####  
  
And now comes the review begging. Please review please, please pretty please. I'm currently writing the next chapter and if all goes well (If I can get Sands to stop harassing Jack) I should get it out in the next couple of days.. 


	5. Almost a poker game and Sands is dead

Disclaimers- I only own that which you don't recognise and even then chances are...  
  
Warnings (that don't include my mood) - there's swearing lots of it, and if Sands wasn't sitting across from Jack there would be a lot of graphic violence, nuff said.  
  
A/n- So finally Jacks here and we're all glad of it.... Well for some reason the thought of being in a room with Jack sounded like fun until it happened.  
  
Remember to review please.  
  
Anyone who looked at Jack Sparrow would swear blind that he was drunk however if you looked at his eyes, really looked at them you could tell that he was aware of all that was going around him there's a clarity to them that you don't get when your drunk, most people never get it at all.  
  
It is my opinion that he wasn't like this before the mutiny he was more open, upfront and sober but once he learned that in life you can't even trust those to whom you are closest, he needed a way to separate himself from those people and found that being/acting drunk allowed him to guard both himself and his secrets as no won took him seriously, so allowing him the opportune moment to do whatever it was that he wanted to do at the time.  
  
After all, the fool knows everything and nothing. However tonight there's two people at the table who don't buy his story... well we're not quite at the table yet but we will be.  
  
Sands walks over to the round wooden table, pulls up a chair and sits down across from Jack who is looking particularly sexy shuffling the cards. Gibbs is sitting to Jack's left. I push a drunken pirate off his seat and move the chair to sit across from Gibbs on Sands right, pausing only briefly to smile at the pirate, who has slid bonelesly to the floor and curled up in a ball grateful of his new position. There are three other pirates at the table, two in between Sands and Gibbs and one between me and Jack.  
  
"Mind if I join you?" Sands asks with his careless smile and in a pirate voice, I have to hide a smile cause he sounds a bit like Jack.  
  
"Yer, gold mate." Jack answers nonchalantly, not even looking up from his shuffling.  
  
I glance at the pirate next to me and he leers at me trying to get a better look down my top. Suppressing a shudder I pull my coat closer to me and scoot my chair closer to Sands so that we're almost touching I look to him to see if he has any sarcastic lines or smiles, but he hasn't even noticed his eyes are only for Jack and the deck of cards (decks really cause you have more than one deck of cards in poker).  
  
Part of me is unsettled that he hasn't noticed what's going on around him, but another part of me is exited to see him work, to do what he was born to do, plot, con and cheat. I push my chair in close to the table and take out one of my pistols just in case this guy next to starts anything, everyone is drinking rum and the pirate next to me has had way too much and I just know that he's gonna try something any minute now cause he keeps looking at me, I train the pistol on his body and try to look big and threatening maybe some whore will walk by and he'll grab her.  
  
Jack deals the cards and everyone puts their gold pieces in the middle of the table. For the first time since we sat down Jack looks at us well he glances at me y'know looks at the tits then the face and moves on to Sands the more "important" male when he sees Sands his eyes narrow just for a second then he recovers and just stares. I apparently am not worth a second glance, yeah cause that's an ego boost mister Captain, Jack I'll fuck any thing that walks Sparrow won't even look at me twice, maybe I should shoot him.  
  
Almost as if he heard my thought he looks back to my face and down to my hands underneath the table and then back to my face his eyes a bit wide trying to figure out what I'm doing, nobody else but Sands notice the silent interaction and even then we don't have his full attention.  
  
I have two choices as I see it. One, I can put the gun away, smoothly so that Jack doesn't notice, and move my hands into Sands' trousers so that when Jack looks under the table (which he will soon) he will see why my hands are well... occupied. Or option number two, I try to convince him that although I have a gun under a poker table in a bar at Tortuga that I'm really quite safe and can be trusted, that's never gonna work.  
  
Thankfully (or not so), just as I put the pistol away the drunk pirate to my left grabs me and tries to pull me onto his lap, I say try because I snap my head back into his face, I hear a crunch that I think is his nose but I don't have time to ponder this as the chair supporting us both falls backwards crashing to the floor.  
  
The pirate, breaking my fall and I think a few of his ribs in the process is now pissed off and starts to grab for me, without thinking (cause if I thought about it I would have been to late) I elbow him in the stomach just as I feel a pair of strong arms lifting me off the disgruntled, sore, drunken pirate who immediately or not so immediately stands up and starts to swear loudly in drunken pirate gibberish.  
  
With my back to the person who has his arms around me I lean into him and relax, well that is until I realise that it isn't Sands, who is sitting at the table shuffling the cards and looking very amused and pleased with himself. I try to get away from the man behind me but he tightens his hold on me letting me know that he has me. I look to Sands for help but he just smiles his stupid little tight lipped smile, I am so going to cut those lips off his face with a very sharp blade.  
  
I take a deep breath to sigh and that's when I notice the smell, it isn't an overpowering smell but it is there, it smells like salt, rum and something else that I can't quite place. I come to the decision that whoever he is, he must be safe, because Sands would be slightly more concerned if he was any danger right?  
  
The drunken pirate is still spewing nonsensical words from his mouth  
  
"yjach giisss mee me vwencchh bakh eeres cush mees ound hersh sqaere savvy?"  
  
As he says all this which I must admit takes a while, blood and thicker bits are pouring out of his nose and down his face onto his now blood and chunk soaked shirt, his face is bubbling nicely at his nose whenever he speaks the whole thing really makes me want to gag.  
  
The pirate that I figured out must be Jack cause well I'm not entirely stupid, that and I recognise his arms and tatoos, takes a deep breath and speaks loudly and slowly as if speaking to a child who is throwing a tantrum.  
  
"She aint' yer wench mate. An it's getting late maybe t'was time fer ye te be a going back te yer ship aye? Maybe pick up a good whore along the way?" I can feel him nod his head at the basterd making sure that it was sinking in and it was. The drunk was thinking really hard.  
  
Jack continued, though as he does his hands start to move from my waist as one creeps further down the other starts to slide up,  
  
"Y'know mate I think I saw Delilah out front when I was on me way in she wasn't to busy, an I was goin te pay her a wee visit me'sell later on but if yeh want te swap I'm game, savvy?" and with that the drunk left in some rush (Delilah must be some whore)  
  
The crises was over, not that it stopped Jack's wandering hands which were both about an inch away from, well places that I didn't want touched in public especially not with this top on (my jacket had opened up during the fight and I am all but falling out). I pull away and this time he let me, albeit reluctantly.  
  
"Thanks." I say kinda half heartedly because he had just felt me up quite thoroughly and I didn't know whether to be pissed off or not after all he is Captain Jack Sparrow, but still.  
  
"Anytime luv." he says with a grin and a mock bow whilst tipping his hat.  
  
"An next time, keep the pistol out an shoot the bloody basterd, savvy?"  
  
Abruptly turning away from me to address the men at the table. "Now! (he claps his hands and rubs them together) gentlemen, pirates, thieves and general all round scum, I do believe that you were all in the process of losing yer gold."  
  
And with that, and a few hand movements he sat back in his chair ignoring the comments of "It will be ye that looses yer gold this time Jack" from the two remaining unknown players (Gibbs wasn't playing) and Sands just sat there looking bored. I pick up my hat which had fallen off and fix my jacket, then sit back down at the table in between Jack and Sands, is iust just me or is it hot in here?  
  
Jack deals again, though still looking at Sands, if Sands notices (which I know he does) he ignores Jack beautifully opting instead to look at his cards.  
  
"Yeh look some what familiar have I seen yeh before? Maybe around here, have yeh ever been to Singapore?"  
  
Jack sounds as if he can't quite place where he's seen Sands, I have to wonder when the last time he saw a mirror was.  
  
"No, we're just passin through, lookin fer a friend o' ours if truth be told." Sands replied cool as ever, we never talked about a story on our history I hope he's got one for us. One that doesn't make me look too bad. Not that we'll ever be asked that's the one good thing about pirates, no questions bout the past just the future.  
  
"We were headin up to England but well, as I said we lost our friend so now we have to traipse all over the whole o' the fucking Caribbean looking for the hairy little fucker who, lets face it is most likely on a beach drinking rum and, has forgotten all about us."  
  
I roll my eyes at Sands little speech well at least he gave up on the surrounded by whores idea. Jack winces a little and says,  
  
"Not all people sit on a beach drinking rum cause they enjoy it mate." Sands and I pretend to be confused by this statement although we both know what he's talking about. The good Captain pleased with our reaction smiles and introduces himself.  
  
"The names Captain Jack Sparrow and this ere is me firs' mate Gibbs," he points to Gibbs who by now has had a lot to drink and just mumbles something incoherent.  
  
"Sands and the little wench here calls hersell Linz." I glare at him, for once glad that he can see it; I am so going to kill him or at least inflict some sort of pain.  
  
He pretends not to notice my death glare instead picks up my jug o' rum and empties it in one gulp.  
  
"We seem to have run out of rum, Linz ye know where the bar is don't you?"  
  
I hate him, that smug, self-involved basterd, that mother fucking, donkey loving, son of a whores rent boy.  
  
He drank the last of my rum, and now he wants me to get him some more like a tavern wench, which reminds me if he calls me wench one more time I'll...  
  
"HELLO? Don't freak out on me sugarbutt, you were in your own world of vengeance and pain. Could you just try to stick to the plot? I want you to go to the bar, and get us a refill (turning to Jack) Captain you want more rum?" Jack delighted that someone called him Captain without being reminded and that someone is offering him free rum gratefully accepts, leaving me to go to the bar and get it.  
  
a/n- If you spot any obvious mistakes please let me know.  
  
So if you are reading this please review to let me know that all this is worth while I know that I need to find buck but I'm getting crazier not better  
  
Sands has made it his goal in life to get me to say out loud some of the things he comes out with which is not good. And pretty soon I'll have Jack running around in here too and that is definitely not good. So please for the sake of my sanity review. 


	6. A new friend for more than one of us and...

Disclaimers- I don't own any of the characters that don't belong to me. (yeh cause that makes sense)  
  
Warnings- There's some swearing and kinda a lot of innuendo which was not my fault honestly it was all Jack, the whore was just meant to sit on his knee that was all but he kept on going on and on about what he wanted to do to her. Well lets just say this is the edited version. And then there's Sands who should come with a warning of his own.  
  
A/n- Thanks to lindoriel, my new reviewer I was very happy to see that you finally reviewed please do so again, often cus I love reviews.  
  
On with the story...  
  
Last time...  
  
"HELLO? Don't freak out on me sugarbutt, you were in your own world of vengeance and pain. Could you just try to stick to the plot? I want you to go to the bar and get us a refill (turning to Jack) Captain you want more rum?" Jack delighted that someone called him Captain without being reminded and that someone is offering him free rum gratefully accepts, leaving me to go to the bar and get it.

####

Making my way to the bar I take several deep calming breaths, which for the interest of anyone who cares, were not working.  
  
I walk around wet sticky tables and comatose pirates. Well, I think laughing to myself, at least it isn't comatose tables and wet, sticky pirates, okay that wasn't funny and didn't even make any sense, how can you get a comatose table?... Right then, I need more rum.  
  
I spare a glance at the round table they're all playing poker at. One of the anonymous pirates has just lost his hand and is shouting at Jack who in turn is grinning like the proverbial cat that got the cream, or well in Jacks case the pirate that got the gold.  
  
I see Sands completely ignoring me and I feel the anger welling up inside me again but I push it away. It won't do anyone any good to get angry this early on in the game so, I'll just take what ever he has to dish out now, and wait for the opportune moment to really get him back (I just used a Jack line, how cool is that?)  
  
Finally upon arriving at my destination, I put my hands on the knife scored and chipped wooden bar as I look to the barman,  
  
"Wha'll it be Lass?" he says while cleaning a mug with a really dirty rag, by the sound of his voice and his sluggish manner, he has to be drunk. But his drunken slur is definitely Scottish, I smile despite myself cause it is good to hear a familiar accent. I look up at him he has to be in his late twenties early thirties longish blonde hair and brown eyes, he's kinda cute but not really my type.  
  
"Three jugs o' rum. Mate," I hold up three fingers to illustrate my point.  
  
"Ye'll be a wantin wha?" thinking that he's misheard me. I repeat my earlier statement using a tone similar to the one Jack used on the drunken pirate, and pausing in-between words.  
  
"Three. Jugs. O'. Rum. Mate," he looks at me like I've grown another head I look around to see if I had cause you never know, but alas nope, no other head.  
  
Getting angry again cause this man is not giving me my much needed rum and my tempers already not at its best. I'm about to tell him to just give me the fucking rum but before I can he speaks.  
  
"Bu, bu, but yer only a wee thing, lass an ye'll be a wantin three jugs o' rum?" He stutters out, the concern clear in his voice. I try to be angry with him but I can't realising his mistake, even if it was a really stupid one, I correct him,  
  
"There not ALL for me mate; I'm sitting o'er there with my "friend" and Captain Sparrow." I nod my head in there general direction and the barkeep nods in understanding then looks at me like he's just recognised me.  
  
"Ah, twas you that was in a tha' wee scuffle wi Michael earlier on, ah didin' recognise yeh wi yer jacket on," I look for any sign of mockery in his words and face, but find none.  
  
"Aye well it was kinda cold with out it," I smile as I talk, I really like this guy and not just because he cause he called me a "wee thing"... well that did help. He smiles too, and shakes his head, his blond hair falling into his eyes, he brushes it away with his hand.  
  
"So that'll be three rums then (he holds up three fingers, taking the piss out of my earlier action I think he's sobering up). So yur keeping company wi the infamous Capin Jack Sparrow?" He asks while pouring the rum.  
  
"Aye, or well not quite but we are playing poker wi 'im. Why do ye ask?" he hands me the jugs which I gratefully accept, pick one up and drink from it. Ah, it's good to have rum.  
  
"Good, once yer friend has los' his money leave. You stay away from Jack sparrow, yeh hear me lass he's no good." his voice once again laced with concern. Eh? What the feck is that supposed to mean?  
  
"From the stories I always assumed tha' Sparrow was a good man, or at the very least no a bad one," letting my confusion show in my voice.  
  
"Aye, he be a good man and an even better pirate, but tha' dos'neh mean that he's not a bit loose when it comes te female company. Tha' man has got half o' the whores in Tortuga after 'im, an the other half wantin to kill 'im, savvy?"  
  
Ah, so now I understand where he's coming from, he just wants to warn me, that's kinda sweet, but I still don't quite get it.  
  
Frowning I say,  
  
"So.... Jacks not... nice to women?" not believing the question coming out of my mouth but not quite sure of the answer.  
  
"Nay lass, Jack likes women an tha's his problem its like this. Jack sees all women as accessible, be they whore, wench or lady. He uses 'is charm, wit an' cunnin te bed them. Then once 'ees 'ad them he kinda just forgets about them very rarely goes back te 'em again. Just the way it is lass, the man loves 'is ship an' nuttin else. Couldn't tell ye how many whores an' wenches I've 'ad in 'ere crying their hearts out o'er him, an' it takes a lot to make a whore cry."  
  
Wow, Jack sure does break a lot o' hearts, but I pretty much figure that I'm safe, no chance of me falling in love with Jack Sparrow. I know your all thinking, yeh right but I'm not about to fall in love with him and I'm sure as hell not about to fall for Sands, I might kill them both but my heart is safe.  
  
"Thanks for the warning... by the way what is your name?" feeling silly that I hadn't asked before now  
  
"Steven, and yours lass?" he says while filling up my already half drunk mug.  
  
"Linz, but Steven why warn me about Jack surely you don't warn every lass he's with? What makes me so special?" I ask feeling a wee bit self conscious.  
  
"No, Jack would have me 'ed if he knew I was warnin women off 'im. Then I'd lose me best customer. But lass, we come from the same place so we do. It's been so long since I 'eard a decent Scotts accent specially one from such a pretty face, an I couldn't stand by and watch one of me own get hurt now could I? Now run along back to the table, the rums on the house. I'll keep an eye on ye, an if ye ever need anything come strait here, an I'll do me best te fix ye up. I'll see ye later lass." and with that he winked at me and went to serve someone else.  
  
I grab the jugs and make my way to the table and take my seat between the two Johnny Depps. The pirate from earlier who was shouting has left the table, whether it from lack of gold or suspecting Jack from cheating I don't think I'll ever know or really care. As I sit the jugs down and pass them out I briefly wonder whether I should have spat in Sand's but figure that it would have been childish and that I so should have done it. Oh well maybe next time.  
  
"Took your time." Sands remarked as he looks suspiciously at his rum apparently he had the same thought that I had. With a smile I say  
  
"It took me a while to remember where I put the arsenic." Jack, who had been in the middle of a big long drink of rum, on hearing this spits it all out onto Gibbs who wakes up from his stupor long enough to curse Jack for breathing and then quickly falls back to sleep. Jack who ignores him completely just looks at me wide eyed.  
  
"Not for you, for him (I nod my head in Sands direction) he drank the last o' me rum!" Jack understands this and goes back to drinking though somewhat more warily this time. Sands with one more suspicious glance at his rum swaps it with the one that I'm drinking.  
  
"What is it with you and drinking my drinks?" Not that I mind cause this one is full and the other one was half empty, or is it half full?  
  
"They've been near your luscious full lips," He replies not even turning away from his cards to speak, but that's okay cause I wasn't expecting an answer. Laughing I say  
  
"I think you've had enough to drink, mate."  
  
And with that they went on with playing poker which was really boring when you knew that two of the three playing were cheating. For every three that Jack won Sands would win one then the other guy whose name I found out was, Phillips would win if he was lucky which he was not often.  
  
So much for creative sportsmanship Sands was losing the game keeping only enough to stay in the game, and with that thought I came to a silent realisation, Sands was hustling Jack and he was falling for it after that the game became more interesting.  
  
Sands loses three games in a row to Jack, then Phillips wins one then, Sands wins two and proclaims that his luck must be in tonight as he's never won much at poker or had much talent for it. Never had a talent my arse, his lies are so believable that I, who know he's cheating, almost believe him.  
  
I watch both him and Jack, and try as I might I can't figure out how they are cheating. I start to hum the tune to Jay-Z's "hustler baby", Sands smiles despite himself and gives me a knowing glance.  
  
A whore walks up and sits herself down on Jacks knee and starts to indecently stroke him,  
  
"Are ye the great Capin' sparrah?" Jack looking somewhat suspicious and uncomfortable, no wonder considering where her hand is, answers her,  
  
"Aye luv, an it seems te me tha' ye've got me at somewhat o' a disadvantage seen as how ye know who I am, but I don't have a clue who ye are, aye?" Jack being Jack is now the perfect picture of drunken comfort, and letting his hands roam to just as scandalous places as hers. She turns around to straddle him and he puts his hands now fully up her dress to do god knows what.  
  
"Me name's Sandy and work was kinda slow t'night so Gisele told me where you were," Jack who was clearly enjoying himself under her dress stopped and made a face at the name of the other whore.  
  
"Gisele? Yer not here to slap me are ye?" she fixed her position on Jack lap before saying huskily,  
  
"Only if ye pay for it Capin.'" then she leans over and takes his hat off and sits it on the corner of the chair then leans into him placing his face right at her cleavage, she grabs his dreadlocked hair and pulls him up into a long, deep, probing kiss when all of a sudden she breaks it off with a moan, his hands having long since returned to their original purpose of which I'm not sure if I want to know but her reaction tells me that I might enjoy finding out. Briefly I wonder if both Johnny Depps are as talented. Bullet to the head, Bullet to the head, Bullet to the head, bullet to the head  
  
I look to Sands, who is shuffling the cards, and I try to keep a strait look on my face. Sands, on the other hand is the picture of cool none of this is bothering him if it is he doesn't let on. He looks up and I mouth the word "Sandy" then raise my eyebrows suggestively. Much to my surprise he loses it, only for a second he bursts out laughing not the controlled, cold, mocking laugh but this was real, pure unadulterated Sands.  
  
I have time to think, "it makes him look so much younger" before he gets it under control and says to Jack who was looking at him now totally oblivious to the whore on his "lap" (well at least it better be his lap)  
  
"Are ye in or out this one captain?" Jack who has just realised that he's playing poker (and not poke... well golly I'll just stop that train of thought right there shall I)  
  
"Aye I'm in, (then to the whore) not ere luv I'm kinda in' the middle o' somthin but it'll only take an hour or so, so I'll meet you then." he then proceeded to tell her where he was staying and where to meet him he even gave her a piece of gold to keep her busy until they met up. And with that she went on her merry way.  
  
"How do you know she won't just take the gold and run?" He grins as only Jack Sparrow can, flashing his gold teeth as he does,  
  
"Oh, she'll "come" alright or me names not Captain Jack Sparrow, an I can assure ye lass, it is."  
  
I can't believe he just said that, and managed to look so sexy while doing it. He twirls his moustache into peaks and gives me a come hither look I raise an eyebrow pretending that he has no effect on me.  
  
Hormones we have a problem and his name is Jack Sparrow. Bullet to the head... no wait that one won't work with Jack damm. I could always try, leave the next day, leave the next day, but that's the point of one night stands. Why does he have to be so sexy.  
  
I was brought out of my rampant thoughts by another whore coming up to the table but instead of Jacks lap she sits on Sand's, which I find damm insulting due to the fact that he is obviously with me. I look to Sands and he's not exactly telling her where to go but looks as if he's going to pull a gun out and blow her brains across the poker table. We so don't have time for this.  
  
Going into my left pocket and taking out my pistol, I smoothly pull it out and place against her temple. She freezes and her eyes find their way to mine.  
  
"He's with me, if you don't get the fuck off him I'll blow yer fucking brains all o'er the table, savvy?" Sands eyes widen apparently surprised at the lack of emotion in my voice. Well that makes two of us. I feel myself go cold and empty I wonder if this is how Cat feels.  
  
The whore just nods slowly and backs off, leaving the table and Sands alone. I watch her leave before putting the gun away and turning back to everyone. Phillips is concentrating on his cards and completely ignoring the exchange. Sands has also went back to scrutinizing his cards.  
  
But Jack is looking at me almost in a fascinated way, the way a predator may look at another animal trying to figure out if it is a threat or pray. Wondering if it would taste good, oh I hope he's not wondering that. I give him a shy smile and down my rum and slam the empty jug on the table.  
  
"Some lass ye got there." Sands looks up from his cards a slightly puzzled look on his face.  
  
"Oh, she's not mine." That was insulting, I was just disowned by the only other crazy person at the table (apart from Jack and Gibbs). Jack sat back playing with his beard braids an amused look on his face kinda like he's pondering somthing.  
  
"Well mate, I wouldn't make that common knowledge. Round ere women are nothin but property, (he gestures with his hands as he elaborates) someone's wife, daughter, mother, whore, wench, sister. Round ere its likely to be more than two o' these things. The ones that are by themsell' get taken quickly, savvy?" Again with Jack and his double meanings but if he thinks that I can't take care of myself.  
  
"I can take care..." He holds a hand up to stop me speaking.  
  
"Ah know tha' luv, and a don't doubt tha' ye could take on two or three, four even, if you can use tha' sword, but the thing is that pirates don' travel in two's or three's, luv they go in groups o' ten or twelve. Ah just don' want te see ye hurt, yer a pretty temptin wee thing a wouldn't mind having meself, so I'm just sayin to keep a sharp eye. Only friendly advice, do with what you will" After he's finished speaking he looks at me once more to make sure that I've understood his point before turning back to the game, the thought of being cornered by twelve pirates was down right terrifying, as I think it should be. Sands is giving me a strange look that I can't quite decipher.  
  
I don't have much time to ponder his look or anything that Jack said because I see a girl in the corner looking at us that has to be Jane Wood the description fits her perfectly. She starts to make her way over to us.  
  
"I'm going to the bar does anyone want anything?" they all shake their heads in negative which is good as I'm already moving to intercept Miss Wood.

#####

A/n- I think that's my longest chapter yet. Please review cause I would like feedback I want to know if I'm keeping them all in character. The next chapter we will meet that Jane Bitch and we will find out what Cash and Cat have been up to which to be honest isn't much. 


	7. The enemy of my enemy

A/n - This chapter was bloody hard to write and I'm still not happy with it but it's been so long since I updated I thought that I better put it up. Also my computer is limping through anything that I try do so I apologise for any delay.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers your reviews keep me typing/fighting with the characters.  
  
AndromadaStar - you should soo see OUAiM its really good and Sands is amazing in it , its just when he gets here he becomes annoying, well your review made him smug he kept on goin on about his "adorin fan" and he says that "you can HAVE him any day" but as he is currently inside my head I'll have to vote against that as I don't think I could take the head trauma. As for Jack, trust me he got his at that table but you know Pg 13 so they'll be none o' that. Most likely he'll get his at the room to. Oh well I'm off to wrestle a computer hope you enjoy.  
  
####  
  
"I'm going to the bar does anyone want anything?" they all shake their heads in negative which is good as I'm already moving to intercept Miss Wood.  
  
###  
  
As I make my way across to her, a plan begins to take form in my head.  
  
Now it's not necessarily one of my better plans (like going to Tortuga with Sands to find Buck) but non the less it is a plan. It mainly consists of me, bluffing my way through the next few minutes of our exchange and telling her to go back to Harris, cause he wants to see her.  
  
I'll be the first to admit that it's a bit half assed, but what the hell eh? No harm ever came from a little improvisation. Yeh right, I roll my eyes, famous last words.  
  
I notice the similarities between the two of us as I near her. We both are blonde with blue eyes and we both have the same height and build... well we actually don't have that much in common, but we kinda look similar but she has a bigger nose though (not that I'm not petty).  
  
She has stopped to watch Jack who's counting all of poor Phillip's gold before adding it to his pile. Phillips now leaves the table, poor guy never really had a chance, I have to wonder if he normally wins poker games. She hasn't noticed me, yet. Which is nice.  
  
I walk up to her and put my fabulous plan into action,  
  
"Well, well, well. What 'ave we got 'ere. If it 'aint lill' miss Janey Wood. An' what would ye be doin' in the Ten Bells luv?"  
  
My voice sounds really piratey. Go me.  
  
Her attention snaps from the table to me, she sets my spider sense tingling. Her hand hovers above her right hip, there has to be a weapon around that area, not that I'm too concerned as my hand is in my pocket aiming my own pistol at her body, I have very large pockets.  
  
"Wha'sit te you?" her eyes narrow with suspicion and anger. Apparently, I've made quite an impression on her already. Good.  
  
"Tsk, tsk. I woulda thought tha' someone as clever and bright as you lass, would know te be courteous, at least to yer elders," She's getting frustrated not quite knowing how to cope with a complete stranger talking down to her.  
  
"But yer no older than me," She all but shouts this across the room at me, throwing her arms in the air as she does.  
  
She's right we are about the same age, I can't tell her that though, I need to wind her up, keep her off guard what I need is something really annoying, what would Sands say.  
  
"Aye, so it would seem, luv." Rule number one when trying to annoy someone noncommittal answers, I know they really piss me off.  
  
"What's tha' supposed to mean?" She's getting frustrated now. I smile, shrug and say, "Anythin' ye want it to luv." Ooh I'm enjoying this way too much.  
  
She look's about ready to kill me, but much to my disappointment she doesn't try instead, visibly controling her rage she asks,  
  
"Who are ye? an' what do ye want? I'm kind of doing something 'ere," I decide to give her a small break (though not the broken neck I would love to give her)  
  
"Me names Linz, an Capin Harris sends ye a message lass. Ye've te go back te the Pot and get more orders while me and Sands o'er there take good care of ol'e Jack Sparrah." I nod over to where Jack and Sands are sitting at the table.  
  
She puts her hands on her hips and rocks back on her heels, looking at me speculatively.  
  
"Alright then wha's the code," I pause for a moment slightly put off by this comment, she smiles thinking that she's got me, smarmy bitch.  
  
Code, code I need a fucking code.  
  
I've had enough and can't be arsed thinking of a code. I pull out one of my knifes with my right hand (she doesn't even see it) let my gun go in my pocket. Getting up close to her, invading the hell out of her personal space, I grab the front of her shirt and head butt her square on her abnormally large nose, again she never saw it coming.  
  
I push her against the wall and hold the knife against her throat a little higher than her actual skin so that she has to put some effort into not getting cut.  
  
She looks at me a little dazed, blood running out of her nose, I think it might be broken. Secretly I hope she has concussion because my head hurts like hell.  
  
"Listen you mangy cad, I've no fuckin time to be worrin 'bout codes. But if ye like I can blow me cover in front o' Jack an we can go to down the Pot and ye can explain yer'sel to Harris, tell 'im why ye be disobeyin 'is orders," I pretend to think about it for a second keeping a good grip on the knife.  
  
"In fact tha's something that I would really like to see. What do you think he'll do to ye? Wait right 'ere an I'll go an get Sands, then we'll be off." I have one hell of a grin on my face.  
  
She starts to freak out her attitude completely gone.  
  
"No, no, no, there's no need. I'll go an see 'im myself. You and Sands just carry on from where you were. I'll just be going now... unless you need something else? (I shake my head) okay I'll be off then bye."  
  
She scampers (no, really she scampered) out the door like a cockroach that's just seen the light. Is it just me or is that two people who have done that tonight? It looks like the confrontation fairy is smiling down on me tonight.  
  
Hopefully that's the last I'll see of her, if Cat and Cash can do their jobs right. Though I must say that I'm slightly disappointed, Buck made her sound like a big heap pirate but she was just a scared little girl. Thinking of Buck brings tears to my eyes, I push them back and head back over to where the boys are still playing poker, oblivious to the scene that just went down.  
  
As I sit down at the table I notice that the location of the piles of gold has changed drastically, Sands is now obviously winning and it looks like Jack is going to be out in this hand if he doesn't win.  
  
He loses.  
  
"Well tha's me I'm out," He throws his cards down on the table.  
  
"Y'know, mister Sands for someone who has no real talent for the game ye play an awfully strong hand," He has a hint of a smile on his face which makes me think that maybe he's not entirely talking about Sands poker skills.  
  
Sands just lifts his hands up innocently,  
  
"Good luck, all of it. No skill at all, just pure dumb luck," He's got his "I'm so much better that you" smirk firmly in place.  
  
For a pirate Jack seems to take losing a lot of gold quite well, maybe it's the thought of the whore or maybe he's drunk. It could be that he can't prove that Sands was cheating and so by some sort of cheaters code Sands wins.  
  
I don't know or really care I think if I sit here and try to figure out what goes on in Jack's head I'd end up more crazy than I already am.  
  
"Well, I'll be off then tis no good luck te keep a whore waitin fer too long," he walks over to me,  
  
"It was nice te meet ye lass," He gives me a hug before I can protest, how much has he drunk. Sands raises an eyebrow behind his back.  
  
His hand slides lower on my back till its cupping my ass, not an altogether bad feeling. He whispers in my ear,  
  
"If ye ever want te have some real fun ye just find me, savvy?" with that he gives my ass a little squeeze, well more of a slow, thorough squeeze.  
  
I didn't know that you could cause such a reaction with just a squeeze, cause damm it feels good I lean into him for just a second before I realise what I'm doing. Jumping back from him I see his grin but before I've come to the decision of whether to slap him or not, he tips his hat and gives Sands a little bow, grins/ leers one last time at me then leaves hopping away with his usual drunken swagger.  
  
"Well, that was fun." I say picking up my empty rum jug and leaving the table and the thoroughly inebriated Mr Gibbs. Sands follows me, we get to the bar and order our drinks from Steven who serves us our drinks without repeating his previous warnings. We pay for them with Sands winnings and go and sit at the table that we were sitting at when we first came to the bar.  
  
As I sit down I notice Sands grinning at me like I've done something real funny,  
  
"What?" I demand he's not in my good books tonight, not that he's ever been in any other books but he has definitely pissed me off. He keeps on smiling and answers me.  
  
"What would you have done if the pirate didn't grab you, y'know when you had the gun under the table?" The grin is still there but it widens somewhat as my face flushes with embarrassment.  
  
"I don't... know, I didn't have a plan." I lie, the grin leaves his face.  
  
"Don't lie, I can tell when you're lying. Seriously what would you have done?" He smiles politely, trying to coax the answer from me. He already knows what I would have done or a least must have some idea, why get me to admit it? This must be some guy thing, I hate men.  
  
The embarrassment leaves and my cheeks go back to their normal colour.  
  
"Whatever it took, that's what I would have done. Whatever it takes to get Buck back, to restore the balance in my head," He smiles, it's the first genuine smile I've seen from him, he seems pleased with my answer smiling and nodding his head as if agreeing with something or someone he sits back on his chair and takes a drink of rum.  
  
"So did you get that Jane girl?" He lights up another roll-up, he's going to run out if he doesn't ration them unless that is he some how managed to get a magical never-ending supply of tobacco.  
  
"Sort of, I sent her to the Chamber Pot so it's up to Cash and Cat now." Sands shakes his head and takes a deep draw letting it out slowly.  
  
"We'll be seeing her again then?" His dark eyes look at me intently as he voices my fears, try as I might to shake it I can't get rid of the feeling that we haven't seen the last of her.  
  
"Most likely, though their not totally incompetent. I have the utmost faith that Cash will do everything in his power to get the job done,"  
  
"Oh yes I'll give him that, I'm sure he's quite the terrier once he's been set on something, but its your other little fuckbuddy that's going to be the problem she 'aint the sanest, far from it, she not exactly playing with a full deck. Still, that doesn't bother me what does however worry me slightly is the little thing that the two of them have for each other,"  
  
"You picked up on that too," Of course he picked up on it he's not blind...well not any more.  
  
"Yeah it's pretty obvious, besides he spends time with her and trust me only someone who wants in her panties would spend any time with her unless they were chained together and even then trust me I'd rather gnaw my arm off. "  
  
"Or if you asked her nicely she'd prolly cut it off for you and I don't think she wears panties,"  
  
He takes a long draw and slouches back on the chair looking at his rum his hair falling into his eyes as he does. I don't think he heard me, he looks to be holding some sort of internal debate with himself. Which is never good... at least not for me it isn't?  
  
Whatever he'd been silently debating he seems to have come because he picks up his rum and downs it in one stands up and looks to me.  
  
"Well we can't do anything more tonight. Let's get a room and get some sleep I know just the place and Your Captain just made us richer than we were to start."  
  
I eye him suspiciously not quite trusting the conversation that I think he just had.  
  
"Alright, but separate beds and he's not my Captain."  
  
"He will be soon." He answers sneakily with a very smug smile to go with it.  
  
"So you have a plan?" To this he keeps on smiling and walks away muttering something that sounds like "The enemy of your enemy"  
  
I have no real choice but to follow him wondering what he's up to.  
  
####  
  
A/n - So that's it next time we should start with Cash and Cat's pov which I'm not looking forward to.  
  
I'm also trying to fix some spelling mistakes in the first couple of chapters but my computer aint at its best, and my boyfriends computer and mine don't get along as I have just found out.  
  
Please read and review and if you think the next chapter is late don't hesitate to e-mail me and give me a kick up the arse (sometimes I need it). Also let me know if anything is wrong with this chapter I don't have a lot of time to check it. 


	8. Enter Cash and Cat

Disclaimers- Not mine, not Jack or Sands... but I own me and the voices and sometimes that's good enough for me... Sometimes  
  
Warnings- Cat swears a lot it is just the way that she is.  
  
A/N- At the end  
  
###  
  
The Chamber Pot Cash's POV, (there will NEVER be a Cat's POV...EVER)  
  
We're sitting alone at a table... well when they say table they really mean up-turned barrel. We're playing cards. I don't know where she got the cards, and I don't want to. We've played everything from switch to poker to trumps and that damm psycho has won every hand, she cheats like nobody's business and I just thank god we're not playing for money.  
  
We've been here for hours, Harris is over at the table in the corner with his crew getting drunk and nobody can get to him not even whores, and I've seen a good few try.  
  
This has to be the most boring thing that Linz has ever made us do. Cat as if picking up on my train of thought, stops shuffling the deck and huffs into her jug of mead.  
  
"There's no such thing as boring, only boring people, it's a state o' mind y'know," She says absentmindedly as she picks up the cards and shuffles them with one hand.  
  
"You've got to be kidding they don't even sell rum or whisky here, its only brandy, ale and mead. How the hell can someone get drunk on ale? Tell me that," Cat starts to deal the cards for what looks like another game of switch. Great.  
  
"Ale? Well I suppose one would drink it to get drunk," She retorts dryly "Says the mead drinker (shaking my head in disgust) and you call your self a respectable psychopath,"  
  
"I don't call myself a psycho, its everyone else that does that. I happen to think that I'm perfectly norma,l" I try to keep a strait face but failing miserably, normal? That's a laugh.  
  
Normal people don't want to kill their friends because they don't expect it and therefore aren't worthy of friendship? I really don't want to know. Trying to figure that girl out is going to get me killed... Then again not trying to figure her out might kill me faster.  
  
I'm worried about Linz, I shouldn't have left her with that manipulative basterd. I don't trust him with one of the most important things in my life well, if I'm alive that is.  
  
Neither Linz nor I know what Cat and myself are or do, we just showed up in her head when she was little, maybe everyone has their voices helping them out maybe not. We asked Cat once she just smiled and closed herself off to us, that means she probably doesn't know either.  
  
Back to me not trusting Sands, he's just to slick. I told him what would happen to him if she died (basically the story would end and we would all die, we don't know if that would happen but it is the main theory at the moment) even with that there's still lots of ways he can hurt her without killing her and she does have horrible taste in men, tends to stay with the ones that don't treat her right, maybe I should just go and check on her.  
  
"She'll be fine mate, y'know the whole shoot out in Mexico was her fault if she didn't have to go shooting her mouth off we wouldn' have to go shooting our guns', 'cides she'll always have a piece of us with her, she's more like us than the two of you would like to admit," What is she a mind reader?  
  
"What are you a mind reader? She's not like you, I think one of you is quite enough dear,"  
  
"Yer face is like an open book you worthless piece of shit and aye, she could be just like me if she'd let herself."  
  
"And where would that get us eh? A bath tub full of bodies? We'd be in jail within a week or worse she'd be dead and us with her." She raises her hands up in calming motions moving them down slowly to end the age old debate for now.  
  
"Chill with the still mate, we're here on holiday so just relax there's no need to get all uppity. Have we got a plan yet?" She inquires tilting her head to the side and playing with her jet black hair.  
  
"No, we need to join Harris's crew and kill Jane any suggestions,"  
  
"I can't sail a fucking ship and neither can you so, we'll need another way to get on board, as for Jane if she walks in right now there's not a hope in hell of us getting to her without getting caught."  
  
"If you seduced Harris we could get on his crew that way," I hate the idea but I know that's our only viable option.  
  
"No, no fucking way." Her face starts to flush with anger, she looks so damm good when she gets like this. Her emerald eyes start to sparkle dangerously and I know that she's about to lash out.  
  
"Listen to me if you could influence him, which shouldn't be that hard for you," I look her up and down and can't help the appreciative smile that I get as her face beams with anger, looking into her eyes I continue again whilst trying to ignore my body as a certain part of my anatomy begins to swell, which is hard whilst looking into such lovely eyes. It's a pity that they belong to the craziest person that I'd ever met and not a good crazy either.  
  
"Someone with power over him would be paramount, I could pose as your brother (right now I'm not exactly having brotherly thoughts towards her but by then I should manage it) all we would need is a couple of days until we find all we can about Buck then we kill them all,"  
  
"How would we kill them? No, what am I thinking I'm not your whore nor am I Linz's you'll have to find another way, I'm not bloody well opening my legs every time you two can't come up with a plan, besides he's fucking ugly." She points towards the corner table to make her point.  
  
"Fine, don't then. We might not even get another chance to join the crew then we won't find Buck. What if Linz doesn't find Buck at all or worse what if Sands finds him and gets all the credit?"  
  
"I hate him. He wouldn't dare, would he? No, not even to stop that glory hunting basterd from getting all the fucking credit, why is he even here anyway? What is his motivation? He's up to something, I don't trust him. Even if he can't directly harm her he still wants something, eyesight my arse."  
  
That's news to me,  
  
"Why can't he directly hurt her?" Cat looks at me then shakes her head in confusion,  
  
"I thought you knew, it was a clause that the furry, blue rat wrote into the second story we visited, after the incident with the Count of Monte Cristo. It was a standard running thing that states (she clears her voice and starts to quote) No character either resident to, or brought in to the authors head can physically harm said author whilst in the confines of the story, this applies to all stories there is no exception. I was so sure you knew, its kinda cool and it works too I tried to stab her that time in Mexico and couldn't it was weird the blade just disappeared then reappeared."  
  
I remember that first time we jumped into a story, we weren't sure if it was going to work so we picked a book that wouldn't cause too much trouble but Cat and Linz were having a sword fight, the most pathetic one I've ever seen and Linz was "accidentally" stabbed by her less than remorseful opponent, we ended having a slightly longer stay than expected.  
  
"So does Linz know about this? Does it apply to the other characters as well?"  
  
"Well I thought you knew about it, so I'm going to vote for no, if she knew you would too, seen as how you bosom buddies share everything and all. I'll be swinging towards a no for the other question as well, it only applies to the ones that she brings here. Jesus, weren't you listening. Now where were we with the plan?"  
  
"Nowhere, you were being prudish for the first time in your life. So if we manage to get on his crew, by some fiendish and dastardly miracle/plan which, for the record I'll call plan number two, you'll have to learn to be a pirate and work hard and get up early every morning,"  
  
"I hardly think that refusing to whore myself out to a disgusting, fucked up, diseased son of a man who licked his own balls and got a chicken pregnant can be considered prudish, besides no way would I... how early do they get up?"  
  
"'bout five," I retort whilst hiding a grin.  
  
"In the morning? (I nod) Fuck that, they work at that time? oh no, I'd rather shag the ball licking chicken fucker of a Captain. Count me on board for plan number one," She says holding her hand up as if we were voting.  
  
At that a monkey from the corner table hops over, via lots of tables spilling drinks on his way, to land on Cats shoulder, and much to her disgust starts to play with her hair.  
  
"Get off ye furry rat basterd!" As she tries and fails to pry the monkeys hand from her hair. She finally gets him off and holds him up to her face, the monkey looks at her and cocks his head to the side and looks at her sadly.  
  
"Oh all right I'll let ye play with my hair, but you have to promise not to pull it okay?" The monkey nods with delight as I watch on in amazement she's never nice to anyone let alone a monkey, she hates animals. She lets him go and he goes to her shoulder and jumps up and down excitedly and makes happy monkey noises. Okay now that was cute.  
  
Captain Harris walks up to us hurriedly.  
  
"Monkey! Monkey get off her. C'mon Monkey please leave the nice wench alone?" He pleads with the monkey whilst trying to coax him off with a piece of apple.  
  
Cat looks up at Harris shyly, batting her eyes flirtatiously and says in a breathy voice,  
  
"Why Captain, it appears that your monkey has taken quite a shine to me." Then she. and no word of a lie giggles.  
  
The monkey and I both look at her jaws hanging open, stunned into silence.  
  
###  
  
Last time,  
  
"So you have a plan?" To this he keeps on smiling and walks away muttering something that sounds like "The enemy of your enemy"  
  
I have no real choice but to follow him wondering what he's up to.  
  
###  
  
The Lions Den My POV (which is far better, in my opinion not that I'm an attention seeker)  
  
I've been standing at the doorway of this pub for about twenty minutes. Sands told me that he would go in and get a room for the night, that I should wait here, then he remarked about Jack not being around to save me if a blind dunk pirate thought I looked attractive, I tried to slap him but he tripped me on my ass, told me to sit, stay then walked in and left me here. Basterd, even if he is a sexy useful one.  
  
He still hasn't told me anything of our plan, I'm beginning to think that he hasn't got one. The street is quiet... well for a street in Tortuga at least. I look to see the name of the sign above the door "The Lions Den" why does that sound so familiar? Maybe it is the name of a pub back home or in another story.  
  
I was spared from having to think about it any longer because Sands walks out the door and speaks.  
  
"Got one (he twirls the key on his finger to prove his point) but there's just one problem no, no you'll find out when we get there, its this way, I think,"  
  
He motions to a door next to the one I'd been standing by, then opens it and walks in. I follow him, not for the first time tonight and I'm not happy about it I may even go in a huff.  
  
As the door closes behind me we are plunged into darkness, it takes a while for my eyes to adjust, Sands pulls out his Zippo and lights it so that we can see. He leads us up the stairs to where there are two rooms next to each other. The one on the right, number three is clearly occupied due to the noises coming from it, a high pitched squeaking and loud screeching of a female who is obviously enjoying herself.  
  
Sands struggles to opens the door to room number two, while I walk over to room number three to listen, not in a perverted way its just that she was really enjoying herself. Occasionally you could hear a man saying things but to low for me to identify what the words were, only that they were said in pleasure, I think I just heard another woman's voice. Big up mister number three he's getting it from all angles tonight.  
  
"What, you want to join in? I'm sure they wouldn't mind, if you're willing to join in with three other woman maybe you not such a lost cause after all," Sands was looking at me with his sister fucking grin again. I feel a blush creeping up my face and am powerless to stop it.  
  
"What do you mean "lost cause"? Three? Really? I can only hear two," The grin left his face suddenly, he cocked his head to the side and closed his eyes he listened, after a moment the grin reappeared.  
  
"Yep definitely three and one man that has a lot of good luck, so do you want to join, I think the four of them are at the point where they really wouldn't mind an extra set of hands." As if to prove his point the women started to get very vocal as they reached some sort of climax, I don't know what lucky number three is doing to them but I wouldn't mind a shot myself. Okay where did that thought come from?  
  
I walk past Sands into the room and see the beds of rather lack of beds there was one single bed. I turn on him as he closes and locks the door, he just raises his hands in submission.  
  
"It was the only room left I swear." I really don't believe him; I don't even think that he believes himself.  
  
"Fine, you sleep on the floor cause I'm sleeping on the bed," He smiles as if I've just walked into his trap which I haven't. Then he dodges by me and jumps onto the bed, where he pats a small place on it, beckoning me to sit down as he puts out the Zippo and back into his pocket, trapping us in a shadowy twilight.  
  
"Me too. So why don't you just come over here so we can get some sleep (he stops and seems to consider his words) if the passionate neighbours will let us." Number three and its occupants had finished but now started up again there was a lot to be said for stamina.  
  
Giving up, cause I was actually quite tired and absolutely not to the fact that Sands was asking me to bed I take off my jacket and boots and walk over to lay next to him. I take my hat off and sit it on the floor next to the bed.  
  
The bed was quite small so we were touching. The length of his warm body next to mine made me shiver, I have to turn my back to him to stop him from seeing my reaction to his body in the dim light.  
  
He might not have seen it but he absolutely felt it as he laughed softly into the back of my neck which starts me thinking on very bad sinful thoughts he puts his arm around me and pulls me tightly against him.  
  
Bullet in the head, bullet in the head, bullet in the oh my god he's blowing against the back of my neck and it feels so right and good. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, damm my sensitive neck. Number three are going hell for leather and boy are they going at it we could give them a run for their money, sure why not if Sands doesn't fuck this up well he might just get ... well fucked up.  
  
He kisses my neck just behind my ear as his fingers gently but forcefully squeezing my hip bone pressing us tighter together unconsciously I give a little moan. He sighs slightly into my neck, which sends more shivers down my spine. He stays still for a moment before moving his hand putting some distance between us, he gives my ass a slap. Not too hard but hard enough that I forget all about sex.  
  
"Well princess what do you say to fucking like bunnies till the sun comes up, eh?" I kick him as hard as I can in the shins and he rolls of the bed with a thud. Muttering a number of curses as he gets up and walks to the door.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm going to find me a couple of whores who WILL want to fuck like bunnies. What are you scared of being left alone? Put your gun under your pillow, I'm surprised that you don't have it there already to protect your virtue." With that he makes to leave.  
  
"I thought we were going to stick together?" He sighs dramatically  
  
"Then I'll just have to bring the whores here then wont I?"  
  
"Don't bother Mister Sands just lock the door as you leave," And with that he leaves, closing and locking the door behind him. Once I alone I pick up my pistol and knife and put them under my pillow, I then try to get some sleep, blocking out the noises from the room next door as they started at it for the third time.  
  
####  
  
So what do you think of that? Was it good was it not? Were there any really crap bits. I can't stop Cat from swearing she just does that. But she found a friend at least.  
  
Speaking of which, does anybody have a name that they think the monkey should be called. Cat wants to name him "Depp" which I'm fine with but I'm just saying encase anyone has a better name.  
  
AndromadaStarr- Sands recognises your fact and says that he doesn't need to walk anywhere so long as there's plenty of tequila handy he also hopes that you don't have any walking plans yourself. I'm glad your socks are rocked off and Cat wouldn't take too kindly to anyone trying to kill me which is a good thing that I don't plan on stopping.  
  
Defina- I read your comments about your fav bits there some of mine to I started laughing at the computer and everyone asked me what was so funny, I replied Arsenic they didn't get it which was a good thing. Hope you like this chap.  
  
Marahootei- Another me eh? Well its not me that worries me its Cat and Cash as long as there's only one each of them we'll both be okay.  
  
As always read and review please cus I love people reviewing me. tis fun. bye 


	9. Depp the monkey, Dr Cash and Master Bate...

Disclaimers- I own the damm monkey. Warnings- Cat doesn't swear too much, I'm solely trying to wean her off it. Another warning- Don't Hate me please. Sands is not in this one Cat and Cash just went on too long, I have however changed some scenes in chapters 3,4,7 and 8. So more Sands bits there. Sorry. A/n- at end  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###########~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cat looks up at Harris shyly, batting her eyes flirtatiously and says in a breathy voice,  
"Why Captain, it appears that your monkey has taken quite a shine to me" Then she, and no word of a lie, giggles.  
  
The monkey and I both look at her, jaws hanging open, stunned into silence.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~############~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Cash's POV (still at the Chamber Pot)  
  
Much to my chagrin the monkey recovers first. He holds on to Cat completely ignoring Harris's advances with the apple piece. Cat giggles again as Harris says,  
  
"Yes he seems to like you miss....?" His voice trails off expecting an answer, one which Cat appears only too happy to supply.  
"Bates, Catrina Bates but my friends just call me Cat or... kitten (she says with a shy smile. God, this is going to go on all night) and this is my.. brother Cash" She motions to me and I nod hello. If anyone even thinks about calling me Master Bates I'll kill them.  
  
"Nice to meet you Captain...." My voice does the same as his, even though I already know his name. This is getting tedious we couldn't just kill him, no Linz wants us to join his crew I think she sometimes sets out to make our life difficult.  
  
"Captain Harris" He replies never taking his eyes off Cat.  
  
"Well Captain, I was just going up to the bar to get.(I look down at my mug still full of ale) a brandy would you like to join us for a drink? Seen as how your Monkey is so taken with my sister"  
  
"Well, the crew and I better get going we've got an early start in the morning" Cat and the monkey look at him with puppy dog eyes and his resolve crumbles.  
  
"Please Captain, join us (then she adds quickly) if only for one drink" I've been on the receiving end of those eyes and with the added effect of the voice I don't envy him at all, poor sucker never had a chance especially with the combined efforts of the monkey who was holding onto cat still, but was now whining and rubbing his eyes pretending to cry. I must say that the little fecker does put on quite a show, which serves no purpose but to amuse me as the good Captain only has eyes for Cat.  
  
"Well I suppose I could hardly deny myself the opportunity to drink with such a beautiful companion milady" Cat giggles shyly at his advances this is going to get old real fast. The monkey puffs his chest out and grins from ear to ear.  
  
"Excellent I'll go to the bar what would you like Captain?"  
  
"I'll have a brandy as well if you don't mind" A brandy..shudder. I go to the bar and order the drinks, two brandies and a jug of mead for Cat.  
  
As I return to the table Harris looks up at me and smiles, something clearly on his mind, he's looking as if I might be useful in some way, Cat has a devious little smile on her face, never a good sign I wonder briefly what she's up to before Harris speaks, "So your sister tells me that you're a surgeon"  
  
"I am?" I say my gaze going to Cat, it's the first I've heard about it, se smiles and shrugs. "Now Cash I know that we agreed not to tell anyone but Captain Harris here is a good man and he might be able to help us. So I think that we can trust him with our story" What has she been telling him? I don't know anything about medicine.  
  
"Well if you think it would help, but I think you should tell it, after all you do tell stories better" Yes you most certainly do, you conniving bitch. She's getting me back for the whole sleeping with Harris thing.  
  
"Of course brother, your still a bit sore when it comes to the whole thing as you should be, (turning to Harris she begins) Well we were brought up in London, (I've never been to London) Our parents died when we were young and we were brought up by our uncle. (so now we're orphans, Oliver eat your heart out) Cash was training to be a ships surgeon but when he qualified he couldn't get a job on a ship, y'see he didn't want to leave me alone with our uncle, he was a little heavy handed whenever I did something to displease him, (I can almost hear a violin in the background) we had always hoped to find a ship that would take me onboard as a cook but nobody did because of some superstition about bad luck (It would be bad luck to take her anywhere esecilly somewhere made of wood). He worked as a doctor for a few years, but disagreed with the way that doctors refused to help the people who could not afford treatment, so he treated them when ever he could for whatever they could afford to pay. This however did not go down well with the other doctors. A group of his peers got together and conspired to get him arrested and hung, (I'm sure that was a film, not a very good one mind you) I won't go into the details but I saved him from the jail and we came to the Caribbean, we've been running ever since" As she finishes she wipes a tear that was rolling down her face.  
  
That was some story. Which is all it is, Geeze she makes me out to be some Robin Hood type. Harris offers her a handkerchief which she accepts. A handkerchief? What type of bad ass pirate carries handkerchief?  
  
"So Captain what kind of trade does your ship do?" I want to know more about him all I know is that he hates Jack I don't even know why.  
  
"Well we're a pirate ship so we trade everything from furs to slaves to gems." Slaves? Oh brilliant. I take a sip of brandy forcing it down as my insides reject it.  
  
There's an awkward pause neither Cat or myself quite knowing what to say, as if sensing the moment the monkey jumps off Cat's shoulder and starts to dance a merry jig, Cat frowns at this before saying,  
  
"Captain, is your monkey's name Monkey?"  
  
"No, he's not actually mine we found him adrift at sea and we took him on to sell here for company or fur but nobody seems interested. We didn't name him there was no point he's probably just going to get eaten anyway, we're selling him to a tavern 'round the corner that specialises in that sort of thing" At this the monkey who had been sitting on the table looking distrustfully at my rum, which I don't blame him jumps back onto Cats shoulder and hides behind her.  
  
Cat reaches up and strokes him.  
"Surely not, poor wee thing, (the monkey purrs to her touch, a purring monkey?) how much do you want for him? We don't have much but I think I've taken a shine to HIM too" She lock eyes with him making it clear that she's not talking about the monkey which I know that she clearly is.  
  
Harris who is pleased with her silent declaration,  
"Well then how could I deny such a good offer, for him. You can have him Miss Bates"  
  
"Please Captain, call me Cat and thank you... for the monkey" She bats her long eyelashes and sits her newly acquired monkey on her lap.  
"Your more than welcome, and you must call me Thomas, now if you two will excuse me I need to talk to my crew but I'll be back" he raises his glass and drinks his brandy in one I too raise mine but before I can drink it the monkey races across and pushes it out of my hand.  
  
I love the little bugger, I want to kiss him but don't, instead I rub his furry little head and promise him a banana...or whatever they eat. Harris who missed the whole thing because he was looking at Cat, turns to join his crew.  
  
Once he's sitting, again at the corner table and out of hearing range I begin to protest.  
"I'm not a doctor, I know nothing of medicine I don't even know the proper use for tongue depressor. Remember when Linz failed higher Biology two years running because we refused to be quiet and kept sticking pens up her nose? All I learned from those two years is that when an ink pen bursts up your nose it comes out your mouth and tastes real bad. Plus it looks nasty in a school picture."  
  
"Cash relax, it's the seventeenth fucking century. Seventy percent of all patients die anyway. You watch Scrubs and plastic surgery on T.V don't you? You used to watch E.R before it got shit. You'll be fine trust me (why is it that whenever someone asks you to trust them you immediately don't) look with our future knowledge we're practically the fucking gods of the medicine world, ahead of our time if you will. Besides I overheard Harris's men talking, their surgeon died and they are looking for a new one."  
  
"How did he die?"  
"That's not important, what is, is that if he takes you on as a surgeon I won't have to fuck him, only flirt for a few days till we kill him, savvy?. See a happy ending for all 'cept Harris and his dead crew. (She looks at the monkey in her lap) I think I'm going to name him Depp, it's a good name I like it. What do you think? You like the name?"  
  
Nice subject change, but Depp the monkey? "I don't know I'm not too.."  
"Was I talking to you? No, I was talking to our little monkey friend here (The monkey gives me a dirty look). So the name.. You like?" He starts to jump up and down on the table chasing his tail making with the happy monkey noises. Was I just out voted by a psycho and a monkey.  
  
"So that's it, two to one vote. Depp the monkey it is."  
"You two can't just do that you know the monkey's vote doesn't count"  
"His name, is Depp. I think we should vote to see if his vote counts everyone who agrees raise their hand" They both raise hands, never saw that one coming. Before I get a chance to the door opens and a girl about Linz's age came in. her nose was covered in blood she walks over to the corner table and starts to talk to Harris is a low voice.  
  
"Hey do ya think that's..." "Most likely" We watch them trying to put together whatever it was that they are saying. Suddenly Harris hits her and sends her sprawling to the floor then starts to speak to his crew in earnest. I make a move to help but Cat who already guessed what I was up to pus her hand on my arm.  
  
"Its not right I know, and its not her fault if any its more likely Linz's fault but, it's the way things are these days and it's the way Harris is. You have to choose your battles Cash we can't fuck up. Hell Harris may even hit me but.."  
  
"He will NEVER hit you. I..."  
"Don't make promises that you can't keep. And don't fucking interrupt me, what I was saying was that he will get his Cash don't you worry if he lays a finger on me without my express permission I'll let him live for days, slowly cutting piece by piece off of his body cauterising the wounds as I go. Plus we don't like her don't sympathise with someone you don't like just because someone else you don't like hit her, Boohoo poor little her because I guarantee you that the moment you feel sorry she'll stick a knife in your fucking back with a big old smile on her face"  
  
"Men should not hit women, for any reason. Specially you or Linz" The thought of it makes my blood boil. Cat smirks  
"I didn't know you cared"  
  
"Doctor? Doctor could you please see to the girl she seems to have slipped" Harris shouts across to me while pointing to the girl who must be Jane.  
  
"Certainly Captain" I walk over to her and offer her a hand, she ignores it and stands on her own.  
"I don't need yer 'elp" she tries to walk by me but I gently hold her arm and look at her face she's going to have a black eye, but it looks like Linz broke her nose, I'll bet any money that it was a head butt.  
  
"Suit yourself, but I think that your nose is broken if I don't fix it, it will heal wrong and look terrible there may even be some breathing difficulties, you might not be able to sail on the sea. But I won't know the severity of the damage until I check it" That sounded not bad we could get away with this and she obviously believed me, she considers this for a moment.  
  
"Fine anything to stop it bleeding" Okay what would they do on T.V. I help her into a seat she looks about ready to pass out she may have concussion.  
  
I place my hands to her nose and feel along the bone, or whatever it is. Right at the tip there's an obvious break. Okay found it, but what to do next.  
  
"Cat do you still have that tissue? (She holds it up) well could you bring it here please?" She comes over and hands it to me. By now half of the crew are standing around me watching fantastic. As I'm looking at her nose I see six of Harris's men leave the pub out of the corner of my eye.  
  
I concentrate on the problem at hand. Leaning her head forward I feel for the break once I find it I keep a firm grip on it.  
"This is going to hurt. (she nods and places the handkerchief under her nose) Kay then count of three. One" I snap the nose bit (I'm just full of technical terms) in place with an audible crack. She whimpers as her nose starts to gush. I press the bridge of her nose to stop the bleeding.  
  
"Its going to bleed for a wee while, but it'll be okay in the long run. You had quite a blow to the head, it may have given you concussion. If you can stay awake for about twelve hours you'll be fine if you can't get someone to wake you up every half hour or so, understand?"  
  
"Aye doctor. Captain permission to go back to the ship?"  
"Granted get out of my sight before I decide to kill ye" He turns to us dismissing her.  
  
"Well doctor you did a good job, thanks to you our Jane may now still have a career as a whore. I'll cut strait to the point doctor, I want you and your lovely sister to join our crew. You won't have to do anything but be a doctor and I can see that your good at that, our last doctor didn't quite have your talent. (He must have been very bad then) You sister could cook in the galley if it pleases her?"  
  
"Captain it pleases me to no end. Cash we can go, can't we?"  
"Well it's better than sitting around here forever, yes I think we will Captain" This pleases Harris, his eyes greedily light up and an evil smirk graces his ugly features.  
  
"Excellent, I've some business to attend so I won't be able to show you around. We leave at three tomorrow I'll meet you at the east dock 'bout ten thirty that'll give you time to stock up on what you don't have"  
"Agreed we'll see you there" He leaves in a hurry saying his goodbyes to Cat.  
  
"We better get somewhere to stay" I say to her and Depp who was not to keen on the idea of going back to Harris's ship.  
"Yeah, where do you think he's going?"  
"Truthfully, I don't want to know. He's prolly after Linz but as you said before she's a big girl and can handle herself. C'mon lets go"  
  
We leave to find a place to sleep, taking little Depp the monkey with us.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ## ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Don't bother Mister Sands just lock the door as you leave" And with that he leaves, closing and locking the door behind him. Once I alone I pick up my pistol and knife and put them under my pillow, I then try to get some sleep, blocking out the noises from the room next door as they started at it for the third time.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ## ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My POV (room number two)  
  
I'm sitting on a sandy beach maybe an island drinking rum with a monkey, who is handling his drink better than me. I can hear voices, sounds like pirates. Something wakes me and I go for the gun under the pillow (well okay I fell asleep holding it, not very safe) I point it at the door, which for future reference has been kicked in, must have been what woke me.  
  
Four big male pirates walk in, looking big and piratey.  
"All by yer one'sies eh little girl?, our Captin said tha' we should kill you an yer partner but seen as how he 'aint 'ere me an the boys are gonna 'ave oursells a bit o' fun" They start to walk slowly towards me.  
  
I aim the gun at him he barely even looks at it,  
"What are you gonna kill us all with tha' one piece o' shot." Damm seventeenth century guns. He smiles at my realisation I can't kill them all. But I can kill him. I fire the gun and he goes down, dead. My heart threatening to break out of my chest. The rest step over their fallen comrade without a second thought and keep on walking.  
  
Oh shit!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~#####~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks to-  
  
Andromadastarr- I really wouldn't mind fucking Sands excessive copulation sounds about right. Sands wants to know why just a really good day I think he had a couple of days planed out, but all that extra alcohol has to go back to me, I've been sober for far too long. For some reason Cat likes your Idea and now wants to try it on poor Neil my long suffering boyfriend.  
  
Defina- Cat is the reason people don't ever wake me up, unless there standing a safe distance away, she just has looser morals than the rest of us.  
  
Mistress of Destruction- Trust me I went off the deep end years ago, its not that bad kinda cold and sticky. I do stick up for myself at the important bits but when Sands is drawling on about crap you just can't help but look at his ass and drift into the world of firm, tight possibilities, Nice.  
  
A/n- I really can't type any more I'm sorry. I've got to go to Aviemore for the weekend. I'm leaving in an hour and I haven't packed or a clue what to wear also I don't know how to get there, or what I'm taking with me. I'm back on Sunday night fingers crossed I'll get it updated Monday night at the latest if not kick my butt about it you all have permission to peer pressure me into not going to collage to type.  
  
If you've re-read the chapters that I re-worked let me know what you thought and if you spot any mistakes let me know please, please, purdy Please  
  
As always read and review let me know what you think, even if you think something bad, then I can fix it. Then it won't be bad. 


	10. Only a flesh wound

Rating- pg13  
  
Warnings- Almost no swearing at all well only a little. Also mention of rape and some violence.  
  
Disclaimers- I don't own much really, its quite sad. How can I live knowing that Jack Sparrow and Sands don't belong to me? Quite easy really, its like having grandchildren and nieces. I can play with them for a while and then give them back when I'm done.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last time;  
  
My POV (room number two)  
  
Four big male pirates walk in, looking big and piratey.  
"All by yer one'sies eh little girl?, our Captin said tha' we should kill you an yer partner but seen as how he 'aint 'ere me an the boys are gonna 'ave oursells a bit o' fun" They start to walk slowly towards me.  
  
I aim the gun at him he barely even looks at it,  
"What are you gonna kill us all with tha' one piece o' shot." Damm seventeenth century guns. He smiles at my realisation. I can't kill them all. But I sure can kill him. I fire the gun and he goes down, dead. My heart threatening to break out of my chest. The rest step over their fallen comrade without a second thought and keep on walking.  
  
Oh shit! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My POV (still room number two)  
  
So I'm in two frames of mind, one part of me is impressed by the shot which took the pirate in the chest. The main part of me, however is screaming silently, oh god, oh god, we're gonna die, we're gonna die, oh god, oh god, and so on. Its getting repetitive threatening to suck me down, away from my fear into its murky numbness. No, I won't let them win, its time I had a little talk with my inner girlie.  
  
"We will die if we don't stop this mental breakdown gonna just shut up."  
  
/If we go into mental shutdown before they start then it won't be so bad we won't even feel most of it./  
  
"True but if we stay with it we might not die, and have more of a chance y'know of not being raped."  
  
/So you don't think that this is a bad situation which warrants a little panic./  
  
"Yes I think we should panic but I want to live, so here's the deal you just shut up and when this is over we'll go into melt down okay."  
  
/Sure./  
  
"Just don't freak out on me"  
  
Never have I missed Cat so much, she would know what to do. I grab the knife from under the pillow and slip it in my waistband it's about the size of my hand I think its well balanced but what the hell do I know about throwing knifes. I weigh out my options, there's three of them, and one of me, not good. If I can kill one of them that only leaves two (see I can count) but that's still two more than I would like, but one less potential rapist.  
  
I come up against a wall, damm. I've been unconsciously backing up, now I'm cornered by three pirates, two have stopped just in front of me, one is wearing a dark brown shirt the other white. The third is to my right and coming closer he has something in his hands, some sort of bat or maybe a sword sheath.  
  
"If you play nice we'll make it real quick" Dark brown shirt speaks, he starts to play with himself while he waits for an answer, nasty. I turn to him, but my inner wimp starts to reason with no reason again.  
  
/Maybe you should play nice/  
  
Yeah like that is going to happen. "Fuck you, (I answer both brownie and myself, but to him I add) 'Sides look at you, it'll probably be real quick anyway" White shirt starts to laugh but is quickly silenced by his partner I look him in the eye trying to figure out what his next move is. He says nothing, just looks at me while playing with himself his eyes flicker to my right.  
  
I snap my head up in time to see pirate number three bringing his bat down on my head. I just manage to put my arm up to take the brunt of the blow but it still gets to my head and knocks me to the floor.  
  
I will not pass out, I sure as hell will not pass out. I blink a few times, my eyes seem to have gone strangely out of focus and I think I'm going to be sick, it would serve them right if I threw up on them. A pair of arms roughly haul me into an upright position and the world begins to spin I can't feel my right arm. I stagger and the pirate holds me up, I stagger again on purpose while I grab the knife from my waist and hold it against my left leg. I'm still blinking trying to clear my vision.  
  
What to do now? That is the question, if I stab him now... oh what the hell. I drive the knife into his inner thigh hoping to hit the artery I try to break free but he puts a blade to my throat.  
  
"You bitch, I'm gonna gut ye fer this" He shouts painfully into my ear, deafening me with his voice, he sounds in pain and angry about it. Maybe I should have come up with a better plan other than stab him and go for an artery, on a plus he's losing lots of blood. He slowly pushes the blade into my skin and I feel blood running down my throat, not a lot but enough to worry.  
  
I have no weapons left, everything else is in my jacket at the other side of the room, so I do the only thing left for me to do. I scream, loudly, hoping that Sands is near by how annoying is that hoping for Sands to be about, he's not though. The blood starts to flow deeper as the blade gets pushed closer to my wind pipe..  
  
"Whoa, Gates slow down mate, we all need to have a bit o' fun first, aint that right pet?" Brown shirt saves the day good for him.  
  
Gates behind me protests a little but gives in and pulls me closer he's leaning heavily on one leg and there's a puddle of blood at my feet all of which I'm certain belongs to him. That makes me feel unbelievably happy, well its that or the head wound.  
  
"I'm not your pet" My voice sounds so far away and weak and I still can't see clearly.  
"Aye, well we're still gonna have fun wit ye" He walks over to me and grabs me, but as he pulls me toward him there's a loud noise and he falls to the floor, taking me and Gates with him.  
  
Gates lands on my back heavily and I feel something scrape against the length of it. I can hear white shirt doing something, probably rushing to join the orgy.  
  
Moments pass and nobody moves.. that's weird, I've not been raped before but I'm positive that this is not how it works. I can feel the blood from Gate's wound on my back its hot and sticky. My back also hurts, didn't I stab Gates in the leg? How did his blood get on my back?  
  
Gate's dead weight is removed and I try to get up.  
"Hey don' ye be tryin to move. Ye be 'urt luv" I know that voice.  
  
"Sands?" I'm still on my front, I try to get up, but two warm hands lift me gently.  
"Nay luv that basterd's not 'ere but I've a right mind to keel haul 'im fer leaving ye. I told 'im to watch ye" My head starts to spin, too much information at once combined with the lifting, I'm going to be sick, I struggle out of the arms an land on the floor just in time to spew everywhere thank god the only thing I've consumed is rum.  
  
Once I've run out of bile and dry heaves I notice the blood running down my arms. Where did that come from? My vision starts to clear as the strong warm arms lift me again, I smell salt, rum and something else. I recognise the smell.  
  
"Jack?" My voice is getting further and further away, I think I'm going to pass out. He's taking me somewhere  
"Yes luv?" I'm not his love.. Am I? I think my head got hit a bit too hard  
  
"Where are we going?"  
"To me room, I heard ye scream some set o' lungs ye got"  
  
"Thanks.. I think. Why am I bleedin?" This was something that was bothering me. He lays me down on my belly on something soft and bed-like, and starts removing my top.  
  
"Hey, I've been attacked and your just trying to take my clothes off" He makes a disgusted sound at the back of his throat.  
"Ye asked me 'bout the bleedin so I'm investigatin see? It looks like ye were stabbed nothing to bad but yer clothes are ruined I'll even give ye me own shirt te cover yer'sell" I can hear movement, then he helps me put on his shirt, its still warm and smells like him, which is nice.  
  
"Listen luv. I have never and never will force me intentions on a woman, got that?" I start to giggle uncontrollably I can't help it,  
"Does that mean that ye would force yer intentions on a man?" He's silent for a while.  
"Did ye 'it yer 'ead? Yer a little giddy fer what just happened, and ye've got some bruising on yer arm, wha' happened there?" I stop laughing and consider my injuries.  
  
"He hit me over the head with a bat-thing my arm took most of it though I've got a cut on my throat where he, he, he" Now I go into mental breakdown I start to cry or sob. My head feels like my brain is leaking out of my ear and it gets worse with every breath I take. I'm just so tired the adrenaline rush has officially stopped.  
  
At some point during my cries Jack has pulled a sheet over me I don't remember when that was, I only know that I have one now but didn't have one when I started, once I have calmed down enough I fall into a deep sleep with Jack lying next to me.  
  
############~~~~~~~~###############  
  
Thanks to,  
  
Mistress of Destruction- Sorry 'bout the delay. I did kinda kick pirate ass but he hit me with a bat and fucked my head up, but I stabbed him and then I found jack... well ok he found me, it's the same thing really.  
  
A/n- Its only a little chapter. Their kinda cute that way. Please read and review, cus I like to know what people think... really I do. I like to think that everyone who reads this reviews it, but if you don't, why? Review now, or I'll send Cat after you and trust me that's not a good thing. She's not very nice you know.  
  
I don't think I've mentioned this before but if I'm running late I'll keep you posted on the review board, just so you know to check. Please review. 


	11. Fear and Loathing in Tortuga

Disclaimers- Not mine, but I do get to be in bed with Jack? If its my fic do I own their clothes and stuff?  
  
Warnings- None, this is a very calm chapter Cat does some swearing but that's it.... pretty much.  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers, I luv ye loads. Actual thanks at end but I just thought I'd say it now.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Last time;  
  
At some point during my cries Jack has pulled a sheet over me I don't remember when that was, I only know that I have one now but didn't have one when I started, once I have calmed down enough I fall into a deep sleep with Jack lying next to me.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My POV, flashback;  
  
The three of us are in my happy place, its like an old style saloon bar which plays country music (don't ask, it calms me when I'm upset). The music in the back ground is the theme tune to Blazing Saddles (this is my happy tune, again don't ask, I don't know). I've Just had a fight with Neil, a pretty bad one, which he so started.  
  
( A/N - In real life its night time, I've locked myself in the spare room, which has no heating and the bed is hard and lumpy and the cover is thin.. In short I'm freezing my ass off in a Scottish winter, see my happy place is great, one day I'll go there and never come back. Just think, a land of country music and free rum... did I forget to mention the free drink just name yer poison)  
  
"Why? What's the point? Is there any? Why do we bother when it just ends up the same?" I say to no one in particular, I'm in one of those moods, I hate life and living. Cat and Cash just look at me.  
  
"I cry more than I smile, lets face it, it just doesn't work any more" Cat shakes her head as she answers my plea.  
  
"You are such a fucking drama queen, cry more than you smile, fuck sake if you really feel that way then just do as I say, take a knife to him or by god, even to yourself, once you see the blood it'll all be better, I promise. As long as you stop whining"  
  
Cash decides that this'll be a good time for him to speak up, "If you listen to her, you'll be just like her, you don't want that, do you?, your not a drama queen surely, they aren't aware of what they do?"  
  
"If I'm like her, Cash, then I won't feel anything, then it wont hurt so much" "God Linz, will you stop whining your giving me a headache, that's all you do you know, whine.... fucking baby, you used to be fun, you do remember fun, don't you?"  
  
"Don't listen to her princess, you'll be fine, I'll always be here for you I'll never leave you or hang up or call you names or hurt you in any way. (He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it reassuringly) You know my advice on the Neil situation, but its your choice I'll never take that from you, you could do anything and I will never judge you. I love you and right now that's all that matters. We're gonna be okay" he looks into my eyes and smiles at me, his face is full or concern but he's telling me the truth, I may just be okay. I smile back at him.  
  
Cat sniffs and wipes a fake tear from her eye, "And the Oscar goes to... Look, drama queen, leave the son of a bitch, or give me one good crack at him that's all I ask. As for Mr all for one, over there he's talking shit of coarse we're going to judge you, yer being fucking stupid, you go on about how he does this, and that, then you get all upset when he goes and does it. We ARE you and you ARE us, we're one in the same, Savvy? We judge you cause you judge yerself so faggot boy over there can pull his punches if he likes, but not me, you are fucking stupid for staying with him. We are prettier than he is, we don't need him you only stay because ye've fooled yerself into thinking that you are in love.... which doesn't exist. Your old enough now to know it know there's no such thing as love, or happily ever after, nobody is truly happy... Sad but true.  
  
Cash rolls his eyes,  
"let me guess there's only one option and it involves death and pain? Right Trina?  
  
"No. that was all, blood, vengeance, its only a temporary fix, there's no such thing as happiness so why look for it the only option is take what you can from everyday life, by yourself. Friends? There's no such thing.. only acquaintances, people you can use, cause guaranteed the moment your back is turned they'll stab it. You can only trust yourself to do right by you, WE'LL do right by you no one else."  
  
Well that made sense, I look towards Cash but he's staying out of it, "I hate it when you start to make sense, it means that I'm really fucked up. But since when have you ever done right by me?"  
  
"When have I ever done wrong by you...(I open my mouth, but she holds up her hand) No don't bother Linz, I've said my piece and you know I'm right.people suck. I'm outta here" with that she leaves the happy place and goes back to where ever she came from.  
  
"She's right, I never thought I'd admit that. I'm glad she's not here to gloat but she's right. People only use you or get you into bother"  
  
Cash clears his throat, "A lot of what she said makes sense. But she left out a lot, cherub for every person that wants to use you there's a least one other that doesn't" He lies... not to hurt me but to protect me.  
  
"I can tell when your lying to me, you know" he smiles.  
  
"Fine the ratios more like 10/1 but there's still good people out there, all you have to do is look really hard and remember that people only use you if you let them. Besides none of those people have me and Cat looking out for them, granted she may be a sandwich short of a picnic at times but when it comes to strategies and logistics she's the best there is. So keep you chin up princess your gonna be just fine and remember I'll never leave you I'll always be there, now go to sleep and in the morning (he stops and seems to change his mind about what he's going to say) ...well lets just get you to sleep and we'll come up game plan tomorrow alright?"  
  
He holds me to keep me warm and support me as I drift off to sleep.  
  
~~End flashback;  
  
He'll never leave me? So where was he now, when I first got rid of Cat and Cash I felt so liberated and free, now I just feel lonely and empty.  
  
I woke up an hour ago and so far I've been going through what happened wrong in my head (apart from the obvious). I've came to the conclusion that Jack was Mr number three (The possibilities of that are just to amazing to consider). That splitting up from Cat and Cash was stupid and that all I've been doing is whining and moaning for years now... God I hate people like me.  
  
My back hurts not badly or anything but I think that the blood has scabbed into Jack shirt which is going to be a bugger getting off (my back not his shirt). Speaking of getting off, I'm lying in bed next to a shirtless Jack Sparrow, who saved my life last night, and who I've just realised has the stamina of ten men, I wonder if Sands is the same, then... if I could only get them together.. for some reason I think that should be a disturbing image but, I get the disturbing image and sandwich myself between it and hey presto bad image gone, good times roll on. Boy, I'm I giddy or what and this time its not my head which is just a dull ache compared to last nights deafening roar.  
  
It's not quite light yet, so I can't see much of the room. I can see enough to tell that its not to dissimilar to the one I was in last night which makes sense, seen as how they are next to each other and all. The room is steadily getting brighter as the sun rises.  
  
The door opens and Sands struts in, his thumbs tucked into his waist band and his cowboy hat high on his head, his face is the picture of smugness, god how I hate his face with his high cheekbones and dark brow eyes... No bad, bad, bad thought... go away.  
  
"What do ya know, would ye believe it the keys fit both doors" He surveys the room with a smile, rocking back on his heels, he smirks faintly when he takes in the picture on Jack and I on the bed.  
"I was just next door, and I see that you decided to have a little party after all"  
  
"Well, ah told ye not to go leavin 'er alone mate, pretty little things like 'er get swallowed whole in a place like Tortuga.. Just disappear they do"  
  
Jack had awoken when Sands opened the door and now stood at the foot of the bed in all his shirtless glory, gesturing with his hands almost as if the more he fluttered them the more Sands would understand him, which may be true but it had no effect on Sands he just looked at Jack and his moving hands, his face giving nothing away. Eventually Jack, having appeared to have given up on Sands turns to me.  
  
"How's yer back pet?"  
"Fine its kinda itchy though. My arms pretty sore, but its no broken an me 'eds nothing to write home about. Thanks for saving me Jack."  
  
"Oh yes, thanks for saving her Jack (Sands mimics my words but in a sarcastic voice that makes me want to rip his eyes out... Again) What happened anyway?" he feigns curiosity for Jacks sake.  
  
"Nothing happened, some men burst into the room tried to kill me they failed thanks to Jack"  
  
"Wasn't just ordinary men luv, they belonged to Harris , an old acquaintance o' mine, 'e doesn't like me much"  
  
"Why?" Jack just smiles and looks like he's in a faraway place, but then that's how Jack always looks.  
  
"Ah slept wi' is wife... And 'is mother..... also maybe 'is sister. But I'm not too sure on tha' one y'see it could o' been 'is wife again. I was drunk a' the time. Tha's not me point, Harris keeps a good eye on 'is crew 'e always knows what their up too, which means tha' ye'v ruffled somebody's feathers luv"  
  
Does anybody ever keep a bad eye on someone?  
"I don't think tha' I've pissed anyone off (I lie, cause I think that Jane looked pretty pissed off... Well just a little) what 'bout tha' pirate from las' night what was his name again... Michael?"  
  
"Aye tha' was Michael, but no it wouldn't 'ave been 'im"  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Sands asks from his position by the door, he's now leaning against the door.  
  
"Because, ye can't keep company wi' both Captain Jack Sparrow AND tha' rat, basterd, weaselling, brandy drinking Harris its not done, an' if it was I'd know 'bout it, an be using it te me own advantage, Savvy?"  
  
"So I take it from that, the two of you really don't get along" Sands says innocently. Brandy drinking? Who drinks Brandy? He must truly be a monster.  
  
"He 'urt me Pearl, ah nearly 'ad the son of a whore (he stops and smirks at the thought of Harris's mother, then his expression sobers up, which for Jack is unheard of) but the basterd got a lucky shot, an the Pearl's main mast took a hit, 'e got away, but not again... never again." Jack's eyes took on a murderous set, and for a moment I pitied Harris, only for a moment, then I tried to move my arm, it hurts like a son of a bitch.  
  
"I suppose tha' he would hurt someone you were friendly with or... you put under your protection even for a second, just to prove that the famous Captain Jack Sparrow can't look after his own, even if said Strumpet (Sands looks at me, so does Jack.....hey! I am not a strumpet) has only met the Captain once and is technically not one of his own"  
  
Jack looks at me thoughtfully, "Aye, tha' sounds about right. (he frowns) Where were ye headed, England right? (I nod) Ye were looking fer a friend aye? (again I nod) Well I can't help ye with the last, but I can take ye te France from there ye'll be able to hop over to England without too much inconvenience to your pretty little self, we'll be going tha' way anyway since we're headed to.... well never mind 'bout tha' but we'll get the two of ye there alright. There's going to be a few stops along the way so tis not going te be the most direct route but it'll be safer than staying 'ere wi' Harris's men looking out for ye, with any luck we may even take a few merchant ships along the way" he's positively beaming at this idea, practically bouncing around the room.  
  
He's not the only one, this is what we want. Jack's letting us on his ship were going to find Buck and I can be sane again, yay me.  
"Thanks Jack, but we'll insist on paying ye for the voyage"  
  
Jack laughs,  
"Well luv, tha' makes two o' us. I'm a Pirate not some kind of saint. We'll leave at first light tomorrow, which means it'll be best for ye te sleep on the Pearl. Also it gives you a day in Tortuga to cater to yer womanly habits (he gesturers wildly at me, I just look at him what the fuck is he on about) buy things for yerse'll te wear and then I can get me shirt back, not tha' I'd mind ye walking 'bout me ship shirtless however I like te keep me crew under control, Savvy"  
  
I nod emphatically, Sands just stands there looking the picture of cool, the only thing giving him away was the big ass smile on his face.  
  
"Excellent, Well it's last day shore leave for me an me crew so we'll be in the Bells all day once your both sorted, come over and I'll show ye me Pearl. Now I've got to go and find Gibbs and make sure we've got enough supplies and Rum fer the trip. (he walks over to me) It'll be a pleasure to see you again darling (he picks up my hand and kisses it, the perfect gentleman) until tonight" He walks to the door but stops just shy o' Sands.  
  
"And you'll be playing tonight then? Give me a chance to win me gold back?" he inquires with a gentle smile.  
"Sure thing Captain, why not" Jack turns to me and tips his hat to me then leaves shutting the door firmly behind him.  
  
"Do you think he knows he's shirtless? And it looks like we don't need your plan after all" I ask Sands.  
"Who cares, its the Caribbean and he's Jack Sparrow, if that is the strangest thing that happens to him today then I'll be a mariachi. Good for you hooking the Great Captain Sparrow all by yourself all it took was four ugly pirates and some sort of back wound, which you really should let me look at" he's grinning, which is kind of unnerving.  
  
"You do know that whole mariachi thing made no sense don't you? (he rolls his eyes and shakes his head) Fine, whatever. How was your night, did you find a couple of whores... not that it matters when I was being attacked by those ugly pirates, we've got a bigger problem than that, like who told Harris's men where to find us" he lets out an exasperated sigh.  
  
"You, where to find YOU, not me sweetness, you. They were told where you were, and for your information I didn't find any whores I was baby sitting outside"  
  
"What the fuck are you...how did you know there was four?" Suddenly it all clicked...The enemy of my enemy.  
  
That basterd!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~##~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Authors thanks (? Or whatever)-  
  
Mistress of Destruction- You just make sure that you keep on reviewing. There's is no chance of Cat and Cash (mainly Cat) ever letting me stop she says it's the only outlet she has which is a good thing...trust me, if she ever finds another, not good.  
  
Cap'n Keira Sparrow- A new reviewer... I love new reviewers, drinks all round.  
  
AndromadaStarr- Sands says to tell you that he'll take it standing, sitting, walking, lying down and whichever way you would like. He also says that he's not quite finished in my head yet, I don't ever want to consider the possibilities of that. As for Neil never feel sorry for him... well you can if you want but he deserves it.most of the time.  
  
Phantom- (another new reviewer, yay) I will always keep posting its just as sure as my insane fascination with glitter pens, I write stuff down but become quickly distracted by the shinyness of it all.  
  
Defina- You dragged me out of bed with him, shame on you. I may just have to find me own way back (Teehee) as for Sands I'm going to slap him stupid, an I don't care if he likes it (which I know he will) I am going to enjoy it immensely.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###########~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N.-  
  
So there you have it another chapter. The next one should be up sometime next week but be warned I'm reading Fear and loathing in Las Vegas and my head is all kinds of fucked up. Just to let you all know we've got a couple of drunken bar scenes coming up on both camps (or well ships) If anyone has a line or two that they want me to slip in e-mail it to me of review it and I'll try to put it in Just let me know who says it to who.  
  
So there you all go, I'm going to go back to Vegas for more drug fuelled antics. Please review, it's the little box at the corner that says review of something fucked up like that. It only takes a little while to review and it makes my day, so do it please.  
  
Now.  
  
Thanks. 


	12. Morning, all

Disclaimers- I only own Cat, Cash, me, an Depp the monkey. If Cat and Cash ever have sex in my head I'll kill them and me.  
  
Warnings- Pg 13 but scenes of tension, of the sex kind........ folks I think that this is going to have to go into R soon..... well the next few chapters when we get into some HARD things......... such as drugs and Sex and... well so on. I would just have liked the freedom to write the next scene in the way in which the two participants really, really wanted it to happen. Plus I really like the word Smut... or Cat does its most likely her.  
  
Announcement- They finally did it to me. I was sitting in class (business studies) The class was talking 'bout something not sure what to be precise Cat, Sands and myself were talking about people and what comes out my mouth...... "I hate people" the class looked at me, stunned by what I had said so I (or whoever's thought it was at the time covered up, it had to of been Cat)  
  
"Don't get me wrong, they fascinate me, but as a group they are all stupid." The lecturer, then started talking about mob mentality and so on. We went back to our monologue, the class forgot I existed......... until that is The next thing that I say aloud is,  
  
"Stupid ugly people, should not be aloud to breed, then you only get stupid ugly children, and they should all be shot" Which was not my point, it was the point of one Mr S. J Sands who then promptly left the debate and went to wherever he goes when not around me. I didn't do so well at covering that one up, I could hardly say it wasn't me, the voices said it. So I stood by the point that the son of a bitch made.  
  
The whole class now thinks that I'm some sort of Nazi....... Well at least its better than crazy freak that lets the voices speak for her.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~######~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Last time Cash's POV,  
  
"We better get somewhere to stay" I say to her and Depp who was not to keen on the idea of going back to Harris's ship.  
"Yeah, where do you think he's going?"  
"Truthfully, I don't want to know. He's prolly after Linz but as you said before she's a big girl and can handle herself. C'mon lets go"  
  
We leave to find a place to sleep, taking little Depp the monkey with us.  
  


* * *

  
Cash's POV, (in a room at the other side of Tortuga)  
  
I awoke gradually if not reluctantly, my arms and legs wrapped around another warm body, if there was anything warm about her, it was most definitely her body, she has her back to me. I try to get back to sleep, it had been a late night for me even after we got a room.  
  
Cat is not the person to trust with your sleeping form, you never know when she'll judge you weak an slit your throat. Granted it doesn't suit her purposes to kill me, but I know her well enough to know that she could rebel against her self preservation and do it to prove that she could and can do it.  
  
To hell with the consequences, that was her motto. I pull her closer, sleep still evading me and she's so invitingly warm and close.  
  
I wonder what time it is? The two of us have to meet Harris at half ten. Burying my face in her hair I take a deep breath, inhaling her sent...... god she smells good, like sex and sugar.  
  
"If you think that smells good, you should try a little lower..." she says huskily.  
  
"What have I told you about mind reading?, how long have you been awake?" I ask her, ignoring her invitation to do something that........ well lets face it I really want to do, just considering it makes me light-headed, my blood rushes to a certain part of my anatomy reminding me of the last time it was used, which was too long ago for my comfort.  
  
"I've never said that I was a mind reader, well maybe once or twice. I just know people, I study them, its what I do all day. Besides I know that I smell good" she turns round, leans into my neck and smells me her breath steaming down my bare shoulders.  
  
"You don't smell so bad yourself" she exhales her breath as she presses herself against me, I can feel her warm round breasts pressing against my chest through the thin fabric of her shirt. This could get very ugly, very fast.... Or at least very naked.  
  
By now I'm very eager and ready to do whatever she has in mind, which when we're talking about Cat its a very HARD situation to be in, just the thought of our, naked, sweating bodies pounding, rhythmically together is enough to send me over the edge........ as I've mentioned its been a very long time.  
  
I bide my time though, Cat's what's known as a Cock tease, in all the years that I've been stuck with her we've never had sex, never. Not even once, we've had chances and some close calls but never, have we ever, actually done it.  
  
She looks at me in the eyes and licks her lips suggestively, I pull her closer to myself pressing against her, more forcefully than she did to me hell I practically grind it into her. She takes a short involuntary gasp of breath and I feel her nipples harden underneath that damm shirt.  
  
That's all the invitation I need, our mouths meet and immediately our tongues fight for entry to the others mouth. She rolls me over, straddling me and sits up, withdrawing her tongue from my mouth, I start to protest the fact that she stopped our little tongue wrestle, but she moves up and down forcefully on top of me drawing a groan of pleasure from my more than willing mouth.  
  
She smiles seductively, getting off, on her seat of power, as she begins to slowly, button by button, take her shirt off....... Damm clothes why do we need them anyway? All the time she doesn't stop moving she keeps her motion going, her lithe little body practically bouncing on top of me.  
  
I lay there passively until her shirt is gone, once her chest is revealed in all its glory, and that cursed shirt is removed, I take action, grabbing her hands I flip us both round, so that I'm the one on top, nicely positioned in-between her legs. Shocked, she looks up to me as I begin to lower my tongue to lick her nipple. I take it into my mouth and suck it forcefully, she gasps in pleasure, I move my hand, slowly down her body. Never taking my mouth from her swollen nipple, I undo her trousers and slide my fingers down to the wetness in-between her thighs.  
  
Before I get there however something small and hairy jumps on my back startled, I immediately release my hold of Cat, and turn to face my attacker........ who just so happens to be a furry little spider monkey, that's trying to show me something. Frustrated and not being able to make sense of this little creature and what's going on, as not all of my blood is in my brain, I say,  
  
"Fuck off, you little shit, what do you want? Can't you see that we're busy?"  
  
"My aren't we tetchy when we don't get what we want?" Cat replies from  
behind me biting her lip.  
  
"Yes, Kitten WE are" I say through gritted teeth, I'm beginning to focus on what Depp's trying to show me..... a watch?. I look to Cat she's putting on her shirt and buttoning up.  
  
"NO, you are not putting that back on" I make a grab for it but she anticipates it and stands up, Depp jumps up on her shoulder and gives her the watch she looks at it.  
  
"Shit, its ten twenty" she picks up my shirt and smiles  
"Relax Cash they'll be plenty of time to play DOCTOR later..... I promise" she throws me the shirt and pats Depp on the head.  
  
"Do you know where the East dock is Depp?" the monkey nods emphatically.  
"Well then lets go.(she turns to me) Are you coming?"  
  
"Apparently not today" I sigh, sometimes she can be so cruel.  
  
I follow her out the door.  
  


* * *

  
To all my lovely reviewers;  
  
Cap'n Keira Sparrow- Thanks, tis was just a shame tha' I had to get out of bed wi' Jack fer it te take place.  
  
AndromadaStarr- I am attractive aint I? But I also do, in fact have both me legs, not that I think that would bother Jack if I didn't. Sands unfortunately is smart, maybe too smart for my own good he's either gonna get me killed or find me Buck. His eyes are really nice though we all love them. Anyways I stand by what I said yesterday in my review I'll read it probably Sunday/Monday ish. An' the basterd's tagged teamed me in class after sayin they wouldn't.  
  
Defina-No worries A good kick up the arse is what I need occasionally. Ye can borrow any phrase ye like as fer Jack an' Sands well their a hand full or at least they better be especially the way that Jack throws his around.  
  
Mistress of Destruction- Yeah...Country music........ can't be helped. I just find that some Johnny Cash and Kenny Rodgers calm me down......... only some of their songs though I'm not a Patsy Cline fan or anything....... Maybe I'm sick and twisted, but Cat likes it too. Yeah you guessed it we get a free ride on the Pearl (Teehee a free ride) An' Sands will be getting a lesson on the next chapter.  
  
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- Welcome to me' fic. I love new reviewers. I gladly accept yer drink and I tip me hat to ye. Once I read yer review I went and told people that I was amazing and original...... they all laughed at me...... but we know the truth don't we? (I'm nodding my head) Don't let me scare you away I'm normally quite sane.  
  
A.N-  
  
Okay so this is probably the last chapter at Pg 13. If anyone feels strongly against this move E-mail me okay? Basically the next few chapters will be okay but then, once we get sailing we're gonna do some drugs..... maybe. I've been studying 17c medicine and drugs, most of the day, which is more that I've done since School. Once again I'm asking if anyone has any funny quotes that they want put in, I have lots........ well okay some. So help me out and give me random things to say when on drugs (Fear and Loathing was a BAD influence on me) And that's about it. Please review me I love it, I do also it lets me know what I'm doing wrong and right.  
  
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you's, This is just a baby chapter I'll get a bigger one out on Friday. I just had this typed and thought "what the hell!" So I'll get on to you all by Friday. bye P.s I have no idea why all of a sudden I'm talking like a pirate so don' be askin', Savvy? 


	13. Laudanum?

Warnings- rated R, yay.  
  
Disclaimers- I don't own Jack or Sands, but I will swap them for Cash and Cat.  
  
A/n- okay I've redone the last chapter (12) so is you want too check it out you all soo should  
  


* * *

  
Last time, Cash's POV'  
  
"...............Are you coming"  
  
"Apparently not today" I sigh, sometimes she can be so cruel. I follow her out the door.  
  


* * *

  
Depp showed us where to go, using a serious of different screeches and jumping up and down techniques, often a combination of the two.  
  
At one point he got so frustrated with us and our apparent stupidity/obliviousness to his obvious directions (well obvious to him and any other monkey around) that he jumped from his perch on Cats shoulder to mine and slapped me on the forehead before rapidly reversing his manoeuvre back onto Cat who was grinning in amusement. I was starting to rethink Harris's comment last night about eating him, or at least selling him to someone who will.  
  
When we finally made it to the docks, a little bit late, we found an irate Captain Harris who was pacing up and down the small dock his already ugly features made even worse by the way he was scrunching up his face in what I can only assume is a frown.  
  
"Ah, Doctor glad te see tha' ye made it, and Catrina if its possible ye look lovelier today than ye did yesterday" I can see Cat out of the corner of my eye trying hard not to roll her eyes as the Captain forces a smile for her.  
  
"Please Captain, call me Cash. Technically I'm not a doctor, anymore" he nods at this, probably not wanting to give someone other than himself a title.  
  
"There's been a change of plan, we're leaving now. We'll be stopping off in Port Pantar which is about a day or two clear sail from 'ere." As he speaks he is constantly looking around, he's on the edge and I don't trust him. What's got him so flustered? and where the hell is Pantar?  
  
"Why are we leaving now Captain?, as I understood it the ship was in need of stocking up on medicine." Cat, had regained control of her rolling eyes, and started to do something useful, which is most unlike her.  
  
"No lass we have to go now, we've plenty of brandy and laudanum to see us through to Pantar" he starts to usher us onto the boat........ ship. What is laudanum? It sounds familiar, I shake my head, whatever it is it has to be better than brandy.  
  
The ship's name was the, Accipiter Nisus, the crew doesn't know why, hell half of them can't even pronounce it, it is a bit of a mouthful. They just affectionately call her The Nis or Nissy. We're shown to the doctors cabin, its quite small but for a ship its luxury, well I think.  
  
The door to our cabin closes and we can hear Harris giving orders to set sail, well that's that then, I suppose that we'll be introduced to the crew later on.  
  
There are three small beds in the room also a chest and a desk. There is a cupboard on one side which must hold the medicine and........ stuff, I can tell that I'm going to be really handy with those technical terms. On the other side there is a wash basin, just below a port hole and a chamber pot... fantastic. I walk over to the hole and look out, great, an ocean view just what we asked for.  
  
"Where do we pee, I need to pee" I point my foot at the pot, and can't help but laugh at the look of complete horror on her face.  
"Fuck that, I'll hold it in" she remarks as I raise an eyebrow questionably,  
"For the whole time, I hope that Monkey is house trained" I point to Depp and he looks at me in shock and maybe anger his little eyes narrowing,  
  
"Of course he's house trained, poor little Depp" he jumps up on her and she cradles him like a baby. He looks at me and smirks as he nuzzles in to her.  
  
That crafty little bugger, fine let them be. I leave them on the bed and go to check the medical stuff to see what we have, maybe the last Doc kept records or notes or something, a step by step instruction manual on how to be a ships surgeon perhaps? I had two days clear sailing to figure out what we needed, and how to fake being a doctor, that and I want to know what that laudanum stuff is and what it is used for and if its useful how much we have.  
  


* * *

  
Authors note- Cash and Cat on Laudanum, that's going to be fun, maybe we'll even give Depp some, if we don't he'll just take it. Hmmmmmmmm I wonder what else they'll have in the cupboard?  
  


* * *

  
Last time my POV  
  
"You, where to find YOU, not me sweetness, you. They were told where you were, and for your information I didn't find any whores I was baby sitting outside"  
  
"What the fuck are you.......how did you know there was four?" Suddenly it all clicked.....The enemy of my enemy.  
  
That basterd!  
  


* * *

  
"You devious son of a whore, how could you?..."  
  
"Well it was quite easy, all I had to do was go and find Harris's men that were so obviously looking for you, after that little stunt that you pulled in the bar, which I must say I had to work quite hard so that Jack didn't see it so you owe me for that. But first I had to make sure that Jack would be near by to save you, once that was achieved everything just fell into place from there, and my mother was not, a whore she didn't sell it, she gave it away" his voice had remained neutral, the whole time he could be asking for a tequila and lime, instead of telling me that he'd gambled with my life, and he was smiling.  
  
"They could have killed me!" I shout, furious at him.  
  
"I was right outside, you were fine the whole time it wasn't like they were going to shoot you they were going to have a bit of sport first" he assures me, yeah, like that makes it any better.  
  
"The one holding the fucking knife to my throat didn't want SPORT, he wanted to kill me, he almost did when he fell on me"  
  
"Well, that was a chance I was willing to take (he smiles) As for your back and throat, let me take a look at them and I'll see what I can do." He pushes off from the wall and starts to walk towards me his hands reaching out to touch me, I hang my head low, pouting in defeat, he takes this as permission to touch me.  
  
It wasn't, as soon as he's close enough I swing for him with a right, not some pathetic half attempt of a slap like the one from last night, this is a punch that comes from six years of fighting with my six foot eight boyfriend and its fuelled by pure rage.  
  
It connects beautifully with his right eye and he goes down, and after a kick or two to his ribs, I'm down there with him. I grab his throat and start to squeeze, digging my nails into him.  
  
He tries to throw me off him, but he's nothing in body mass compared to my normal sparring partner, I stay on top with ease.  
  
"Now just while you lying there, lets talk about risks that, I'M not willing to take, Kay?" he tries to nod but I have him tightly, he's having trouble breathing........ good. He glares at me his eyes promise revenge and pain.  
  
"Great, now, I don't want you to gamble with my life again. I don't want you to patronise me or call me Wench in front of other pirates, I want you to come to my defence whenever someone attacks me like they did last night in the bar. I want you to run any plots or plans that you have running around in your brain by me first. And last but not by any means least, and listen carefully cause this one is very important, NEVER, EVER, for any reason at all drink my rum or whatever type of alcohol that I happen to be drinking at the time, or I will kill you, Savvy?"  
  
He stares pointedly at me, his eyes telling me that he can't talk his eyebrows raised. I release his throat a little so that he can breathe he takes a gasping breath as his hands go for something in his pocket, he drives it into my leg, I jump up to inspect the damage, but there was none, he hadn't went for an artery like I had last night, he just jabbed it at my thigh, it was designed to make me get off him but he shouldn't have missed, there was no wound at all.  
  
He had rolled on to his side to get air once I had let him go, but now he just stared at my leg where I should have a small wound. I could feel something hot and sticky running down my back which was a sure sign that the wound on my back had re-opened.  
  
"Your shirts open" he says trying to get his cool back but he sounded hoarse which made me feel great, not as good as his eye though it had started to swell and close up, I buttoned up the shirt smiling as I did, I had nothing to be ashamed of, I just kicked his ass and he knew it.  
  
"I stabbed you. In the leg"  
"No, if you had there would have been a mark" I said but unsure about it, I had felt his hand on my leg. He started towards me and I moved back, he still had a knife in his hand. He holds both his hands up in front of me.  
  
"Okay, you win. I agree to your terms, I haven't been exactly forthcoming with information. (I make a sound at the back of my throat) I'm trying here, so I'll be good, I'll play nice just like you said........... but, there are a few conditions (he lifts his hand higher to quiet me) hear me out first?"  
  
I sigh and look at him, my backs becoming a problem and my whole arm was aching, apparently in the heat of the moment I'd forgotten about the bat thingy that hit it last night.  
"Well.... Go on then"  
  
"First off I still have to check your wounds and now that I have some of my own, I can only hope that you'll return the favour, we're going to have to do the best that we can right now then go to the street and get some bandages and rum, we can't let each other die of infection, and before you say anything I know that it'll hurt like a son of a bitch which is why we're going to get very drunk and I know that its not fair that your back is going to be doused with rum to stop infection and feel like its on fire, but believe me its better than the alternative, alright?"  
  
He's right but...  
"Brandy, don't waste the rum." Smiling he nods.  
  
"The second thing is, that I did in fact stab you, so I would like to try it again, nothing to bad just a small paper cut, and before you ask, no you can't just do it yourself it has to be me, as it was me who did it the first time and we already know that you can be hurt by other people" his voice was neutral he was expecting a fight.  
  
But he was right, again, we had to know. It would only be a little cut and if it turned out that he can't, in fact hurt me it meant that I could kick his ass all the time. I started to nod, and sat down on the bed.  
"Fine, but if you actually hurt me I get to return the favour, Savvy?"  
  
"Agreed" he kneels down in front of me and lifts my right arm, I wince and pull back.  
"The other, arm" he looks at me with something that looks strange on his face, just out of place, concern.  
  
He picks up my left hand and places the blade on my thumb, god I must be stupid to let him do this. He gently pulls the blade against the tip of it but nothing happens its as if the blade melts into my hand I don't even feel it. I can feel the metal against my skin then nothing.  
  
"That's, interesting" I say, my voice sounding far away, and its kind off hard to focus. Oh shit.  
"Sands? Can we do this another time? Like tomorrow or whenever?" he looks at me, again with concern in his eyes, he has lovely eyes when their not being sarcastic or well like him.  
  
"Very well, why don't you lie down on the bed, and I'll take a look at your back?"  
  
"Sure, but I have to unbutton it. So could you turn around?" "Not ten minutes ago you were wrestling me, with it hanging open, now you want me to turn around while you unbutton it? Talk about your mixed messages" he complains as he turns around  
  
"Shut it or I'll kick you ass........... again." I undo the buttons, take off the shirt and lie down on the bed.  
"That was below the belt, speaking of which a night with the infamous Captain of the Black Pearl, how did that work out for you?"  
  
His voice was light and teasing so I kept mine that way too, "You know how it went you were outside the whole time...... pervert" I felt his hands on my bare back, okay, that hurts he's poking and prodding it once he's finished examining it he speaks.  
  
"Well you'll live, all we need to do is stop the bleeding and put some rum.. brandy on it then you'll be fine........ although I don't advise and wrestling for a few days, which is a pity, cause next time I'll take you"  
  
"You think?"  
  
"I know, sugar butt, I know so lets go outside and get some supplies, I don't suppose that you would let me go myself it would save me from having to half carry you"  
  
"I can walk...... just slowly. I don't think we'll be allowed to stay here much longer anyways, due to the dead bodies next door"  
  
"Fine, we'll get what we need then get another room. Of cource I'll have to pass you off as a drunken whore, think you can manage that?" his voice still teasing.  
  
"You know me I'll do anything for a bottle of rum.... You did say we were going to get drunk didn't you?"  
  
"Sure did. Two bottles of rum and a bottle of brandy, y'know thinking about it it's a good thing we're not putting rum of your back." He turns around without having to be told and I put on Jack's shirt and my coat and hat, I'm struggling with my boots when he turns around and starts to help me.  
  
"Why?" he laughs and looks up at me.  
"Could you imagine trying to keep Jack off you if you smelled and tasted like rum?" well that's a thought, maybe we should use it.  
  
"I couldn't keep myself off me if I smelled like rum, but that's just me. now help me stand and we'll get the hell out of here"  
  
He does as he's told, which for Sands is weird. Maybe he likes getting beat up by women. His eye is pretty much closed and it's a nasty red/ blue colour. As we leave the room I remember my weapons but as I look around I see that Sands has them.  
  
Ten minutes later sees us outside, in Tortuga town looking for bandages, rum and brandy, oh my.  
  


* * *

  
Authors thanks-  
  
Thank you to all my reviewers on the last chapter-  
  
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- O.k. now your scaring me a whole village? I used to have village of Silvanian families, but my brother periodically executed them, in lots of different ways. He preferred hanging then randomly in places that I couldn't reach.  
  
Mistress of Destruction- It took me a good few days to cover up the damage that Sands did But I soo kicked his ass so we're all ok. Also thanks for the lines they are all under consideration and will show up, if you've got any more then send then my way.  
  
Cap'n Keira Sparrow- Thanks for supporting me on the whole R rating we'll get to the hard stuff soon.  
  
General stuff-  
  
Tis me birthday tomorrow so don't be expecting anything until Friday. Trust me, the next chapters want too write themselves, but I will not let them. As Its my birthday I was considering treating my self and sleeping with both Jack and Sands in some sort of dream parody............ (pauses to consider)............... but I'll just imagine it instead it might still happen though, well I can hope I've got a really good chance with Jack me being female an' all.  
  
I'm still wanting random lines for drug crazed'ness (that is soo a word) So come on give me some.  
  
I'd like to thank my reviewers again cause I've got lots of reviews and it makes me feel soo good. It also makes me type more when we feel appreciated and warm and fuzzy.  
  
Soo if you are reading this then pleeeaaassssee, please pretty please review, even if you already have, do it again........ for us?  
  
Thanks. 


	14. Wenchy and the Cupboard of Magical Trick...

Warnings- Drunkenness, and BIG tavern wenches- think BIG  
  
Disclaimers- I don't own Sands so why doesn't he just leave me alone he won't leave Savvy? As for Jack he belongs to a mouse and for any reference to fear and loathing its not mine it all belongs to the great H. S. T who nobody in their right mind would want to fuck with.  
  
A/n- When Sands is drunk, just think Raoul Duke, from "fear and loathing"......... with more hair and a cowboy hat...Savvy?  
  
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Last time my POV-  
  
He does as he's told, which for Sands is weird. Maybe he likes getting beat up by women. His eye is pretty much closed and it's a nasty red/ blue colour. As we leave the room I remember my weapons but as I look around I see that Sands has them.  
  
Ten minutes later sees us outside, in Tortuga town looking for bandages, rum and brandy, oh my.  
  
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Locating the rum and brandy was one thing, but getting what appeared to be sterile bits of cloth was another.  
  
We ended up with three bottles of rum, two bottles of brandy and three relatively clean shirts, two white and one black, the black one was for me although it'll probably be too big for me.  
  
It took us about an hour for us to round up what we needed, with me hanging on Sand's shoulder acting like a drunken whore, which wasn't very hard as the first thing that we did was buy the rum I was about half the way through the first bottle, my reasoning was that, once the bottle was gone it would be less for Sands to carry, that and I had to carry something or he would think that I was lazy, which I was not, at this point in time.  
  
Now all we needed was a room, which I was leaving entirely up to Sands, hell, he even let me come in the bar with him (I didn't quiet catch the name of it, I did however catch the doorstep in the way in but Sands saved me from falling) we walked up to the bar (Sands walked, I "Jack walked" up to it, bumping into a few tables along the way, even with Sand's help) Once at the bar, I Decided that the best possible, comfiest position for me would be to sprawl across the bar and half perch on a stool, which was, thankfully unoccupied.  
  
"Two rums" I shout, banging my left fist on the bar as Sands tries to keep me off the floor my right clutching at the half empty bottle like a life line. The bar wench comes over to us, and looks at me doubtfully.  
"Wha' te fuck are you lookin' a wench?" I challenge her, she thinks I've had too much, she'll cut me off if she thinks that, this can not be allowed to happen, I try to sit up, look threatening, back my threat up if needs be. I must have that rum.  
  
However, I slide as I try to straiten. My whole being, arms, legs, limbs refusing to work........... stop, if legs are limbs and arms are limbs. Then is it just my limbs that are refusing to work?? Or arms, legs and limbs?  
  
Sands keeps me up-right but my head and the upper part of my body is on the bar, which smells like......... rum. I try to lick the wood but Sands stops me, I hear him say something along the lines of.  
  
"Ignore the whore, she's drunk, tis half price tha' way....... If she remembers later to charge" he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly, to stop the protest which he knew would come from his statement. But I was offering up none, we had agreed on this earlier and I still have a bottle in my hand, my arm/ limb thingy won't let go of that. Never.  
  
"But what I really could do with is a room, Savvy" I can't see his face but I could hear the smile in his voice, that "shit eating" grin that he loves so much, the one he uses when he's talking a whole load of..... well shit. I leave him (mentally that is) to get us a room and ponder my earlier thought about limbs, I must remember to ask Sands about it, it was deep stuff. Speaking of stuff, that rum is really good, where did it go? I look down and its still in my hand, go me.  
  
Soon we're moving, which takes a little time admittedly, but eventually we get there. Wherever there, or here is? I lift my head and we're in a room, with a bed and a door and everything. The wench who I have affectionately named Wenchy, in my head that is because she's the size of a bull and she'd kill me if I said it out loud, passes Sands a key and leaves, muttering about dirty whores under her breath and closes the door.  
  
"I couldn't agree wi' ye more luv" I shout at the closed door. I look to Sands who is no longer supporting me the "sober" time at the bar that I spent with no drink has given me the ability stand on my own power.  
  
Sands has a look on his face, something I've seen before, but never on his face. After a while of staring my rum fogged mind registers the look, he is in a lecture mode, he's going to nag me.  
"Oh no, fuck tha', ye said we could get shit faced, you are about to get me half naked and pour, what's going to feel like acid on me back, now you said I could get drunk............ tha' we both were" I point at him accusingly, how dare he nag.  
  
"Yes I did, but what I did not say you could do, was stagger about Tortuga drunk as the day you first discover rum, with your shirt practically hanging open, threatening women who look like crazed bear/ox hybrid" I see his point. I lift the rum to drink it but he snatches it from me first.  
  
He uncorks it and takes a long drink from the bottle, draining the already half empty bottle. Now, for the record, I know that this is a bad idea. It is really strong rum, and so happens to be the reason I'm in such a state (drinking too much too fast is bad), however being in the state that I'm in, I don't think that I'll mention this to Sands I've never seen him drunk he's going to be shit faced all right, he doesn't even drink rum he drinks tequila....... lightweight.  
  
Also, drunken logic clearly states that once your drinking partner is comatose all the drink goes to you, like some kind of drunken lottery. I go over to the package that Sands was carrying and open it. First things first I take the rum out and drink some of it, just a little, though.  
  
I then take out the shirts and separate them, the black one I put on a chair, and the other two I put on the bed. I take out the brandy and sit it next to the white shirts. I silently hand the bottle that I'd been drinking from to Sands, who had finished the other, then I picked up the last full one.  
  
"Lets do this before you go blind........ again" I start to unbutton the shirt, the alcohol had long since numbed all sense of modesty in me. I let it drop to the floor as Sands, who apparently just looked up throws his hands over his eyes shouting.  
  
"Holy fuck! Next time give me some warning before you do that will you? Shit, I didn't think you meant blinded by THAT sight, just thought you meant the alcohol. Speaking of which we're doing this on the floor, cause if you think that I'm going to make all the way up there, you not thinking strait man....... Woman. For god sake cover yourself, your causing a scene" all through his rant, he was gesturing with his hands, not in a Jack way, he was full of pointing and.....well pointing, but he was doing it a lot.  
  
"On the floor, doing it eh? You have no idea how long I've wanted you to say that Sands and in such a sexy way" I refuse to cover up, I'm not a blinding sight, especially not compared to Wenchy out there. I move the shirts and rum to the floor and sit next to him, taking a swig out of my rum bottle, Sand's is relatively untouched well the neck is gone but I drank most of that.  
  
He is staring unblinkingly at my chest.  
"Would you stop that and fix my back, god, you'd think you'd never seen pair of breasts before." I lay down on the floor so that he can get to my back.  
  
"Not for six years I haven't. I've been blind remember? (His voice sounds so unlike himself so quiet and lost in his thoughts, I wonder what he was thinking?) Look, this is really going to hurt so I'm going to have to restrain you, don't want you kicking my ass again do we?"  
  
I feel him sit on me, he really needs a diet or to get off me. I twist and buck to get him off but he holds down my shoulders, effectively pinning me down. His hands do more or less what they did earlier on in the day, tracing down the wound, though his touch much lighter than it was before. No pain came from my back, just a small ticklish sensation, which make things clench lower in my gut. I bite my lip, to keep from moaning in pleasure at his touch, we can't have that now can we?  
  
I hear him picking the bottle up.  
  
"Ready?" I nod my head and grit my teeth preparing for the worst. What came next was the most agonizing thing that I've ever put up with.  
  
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Last time Cash's POV-  
  
That crafty little bugger, fine let them be. I leave them on the bed and go to check the medical stuff to see what we have, maybe the last Doc kept records or notes or something, a step by step instruction manual on how to be a ships surgeon perhaps? I had two days clear sailing to figure out what we needed, and how to fake being a doctor, that and I want to know what that laudanum stuff is and what it is used for and if its useful how much we have.  
  
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As luck would have it, the last Surgeon kept a perfect record on......... well every thing from his medical notes from before he was a ships surgeon to the date that he died, he also had an in-depth file on the crew and their different aliments. This has kept Cat and Depp amused for hours.  
  
"Oh my god, Cash you have to read these, there so funny. There's this Guy called (she flips up the page) Smithy,(she cocks her head to one side and pulls a face of disgust) well that's original. Any way he has Crabs, well Jacky (the last surgeons name was Jackson Cat had re-named him) didn't know what it was but, the way he describes it, well y'know, Crabs. And the Captain........... Syphilis, yeah I know apparently he caught it off his wife........ or sister, he's not sure at the time. Why have we not done this before? Cash what are you doing over there?"  
  
"I'm ignoring you and that little monkey, your both driving me nuts. See if you can find out what laudanum is will you? Or at least if you can find a key to this cabinet?" I eventually find the key in a drawer and open the big cabinet which has been bothering me for sometime.  
  
Once opened, WOW.................... Never have I seen such a sight before.  
"What's in there, Cash?....... are you even listening to me?" She gets up and walks over to the cupboard now re-named " The Cupboard of magic Tricks".  
  
Inside is........ well just such a beautiful sight, so many different types and colours of powders, grasses, and bottles of liquid. I see a bottle marked laudanum, I take it out and smell it just a little whiff before putting it back.  
  
"Laudanum? So what is it?" Cat asks curiously  
"Ether, pretty much. (I smile, for what must be the first time since this morning) we'll take what we need for tonight then hide the key... no one can be allowed to find this, I repeat no one. Do you hear me?" but she wasn't listening to me she started to point at something at the bottom of the cupboard.  
  
"Cash, is that mushrooms?" she points to a big box of, well mushrooms of the uber magic variety, Depp starts to shriek in amusement and anticipation........... like he was getting any, poor guy.  
  
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Thanks to all my reviewers, we've nearly got 40 reviews how great is that??  
  
Cap'n Keira Sparrow- Good cause there's going to be loads of more chapters.  
  
Blacklable- Welcome to my side of the Caribbean where we have a two for one special on Johnny Depp (one likes to be beaten up by women, or at least rough sex) plenty o' rum, a missing blue Ewok muse called Buck and no real plot at the moment 'cept to get as out of our faces on whatever we can (I swear, It is plotted out......... some of it, kind of)  
  
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- Your friends better review........ listen to me I'm turning into some kind of review Nazi. As for the polar bear line it has to come from little Depp.  
  
Mistress of Destruction- Have I ever told you how disturbing your name is to type? But I'm not one to throw stones as mine makes me sound like some kind of Nun........ which I'm not. Way to give me all those quotes, they've been noted and I'll try to use them up in the next couple of chapters. I loved your joke I told it to the boys (Neil an' 'is flatmate Chris), the response I got was something along the lines off......... I peed on one once (from Chris) and Neil said, I just touched one to see what it was like???????? They are all total idiots. So yes, drugs do make you steadily stupid either that or it's a guy thing.  
  
AndromadaStarr- I e-mailed you earlier on in the day, so answer me already, and review I like is when the review count goes up (grins "Sheepishly" Tee hee) Sands says hi an' that he's working on me for those boots.  
  
So that's all for tonight. I'm going to be working at the wedding fair in Glasgow (S.E.C.C) so I should be at home all weekend with nothing to do but type an' get drunk......... or not so drunk as I'll be driving.  
  
Review for me please cause it makes me type faster, when people review then I update fast, that's how it works I think. So go on please, for little old me???????.  
  
Thanks, loads an' loads. 


	15. Half full?

Warnings- none really, this is a kinda mild chapter. I had to split up this chapter, I'm still not happy with the second part, but I thought that I better put something up for you all because your all being so patient. Thanks.  
  
Disclaimers- they're not mine and if they were I'd prolly crash them into a field.  
  
A/n- at the end  
  
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Last time my pov  
  
I hear him picking the bottle up.  
  
"Ready?" I nod my head and grit my teeth preparing for the worst. What came next was the most agonizing thing that I've ever put up with.  
  
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Two hours later saw us lying on our backs on the floor, debating the real issues of life.  
  
"Give me a drink of your rum, something happened to mine, tis all gone, look" Sands holds the empty bottle right up to my face to prove his point.  
  
"Yeah, something happened all right you drank it, and no there's not enough left in mine. Hear that? It's mine, not yours, mine, so I get to keep and drink it" I take a swig out of the bottle and hold it securely to my chest.  
  
"It's half full..." I cut him off.  
"NO, that's a common misconception, it is not in fact half full, it's half empty. It would only be half full if it was empty and filled half way, which it was not, it was full and drank half way....... Thus, half empty."  
  
I love being clever, during my little speech I had started emphasizing with my bottle, Sands grabbed it.  
"Thus you've already had half of the bottle and won't mind sharing it wi' an old friend" he lift it to his lips and drinks it, oh well as long as he doesn't finish it we'll be fine.  
  
I try to focus on the room, fighting the head spins is imperative to the survival of the mission... whatever that is.  
"Sands, what is the mission again?" I ask, one, because I think that the answer is imperative to the mission and two, because he's taking his sweet time with the rum.  
  
"Weren't you looking for the muse? Or did we give up on that and vote for getting as drunk in Tortuga as piratly possible." He gives me back the rum and sits up against the bed, lighting a roll up.  
  
"Maybe we were doing both, hard to say really. You are really going to have to get some more rum soon" I mention casually as I finish the bottle and struggle to sit up next to him. Once this is achieved I rest my head on Sand's shoulder, the material of the black shirt I'm wearing is really scratchy and I have to resist the urge to scratch myself, actually all I want to do is roll about on the floor scratching on the rug like a big, black dog I don't know why the dog would be black, it just would be.  
  
"How long before my back is healed, do you think?" he frowns at my question not quite seeing where I'm coming from, not making the connection between rum and back, obviously its because cause he didn't get the whole black dog thing.  
  
"I don't know, it's not very deep, it's just long. Even at that I've seen worse, hell I've had worse (my thoughts immediately go to the scar on his chest, how did he get that I wonder) The most important thing was to get it sterilised now, just as long as you keep it clean, it'll close up in a few days, why?" he turns his head to look me in the eye, his eyes and speech are becoming more sober by the second which is slightly unnerving, fascinating, but unnerving at the same time. The swelling on his eye has went down and he's been left with a black eye, which serves him right.  
  
I shake my head breaking whatever eye contact we might have had.  
"It's a long story and mental train of thought, it had to do with an itchy shirt (I pull on the shirt for emphasis) this one if you must know, and a big black dog rolling on the rug, that very one there" I point to the floor. He raises an eyebrow (I hate it when people do that, it's something I've always wanted to be able to do you can say so much with so little)  
  
"I only asked a question, no need to go all aggressive, anyway if you want to take off your shirt and have a little roll about, count me in" he says managing to keep his face strait.  
"You'd like that wouldn't you? I think we've done enough of rolling on the floor for one day don't you?"  
  
He smiles, a wicked little grin as he puts his arm around me and pulls me onto his lap, carefully avoiding my back. I look up into his dark coffee coloured eyes and let myself relax momentarily. I try to think of something witty or sarcastic to say but my mind goes blank, where's Cat when I need her. As I try to get up his grip on me tightens, not by much, I could probably get free if I wanted to, but do I want to, that's the question.  
  
Not really much of a question, of course I don't want to move, I wiggle down making myself more comfortable taking both of us by surprise as I lay my head on his chest, close my eyes and relax into him, I can hear the sound of his heart beating.  
  
Suddenly I'm so tired I could just fall asleep, for a psychopath Sands has a certain aura about him, its strangely comforting. He opens his mouth to say something but thinks better of it and lets his breath out in a sigh as he wraps his arms more securely around me.  
  
I remember earlier on when he was splashing the brandy on my back, well I remember the pain but also there was his reassuring warmth and weight holding me down, firmly but also gently. He spoke to me as he did it, I have no idea what he was saying, due to the pain but his tone was soft and had a calming effect. Once we had finished cleaning and wrapping the wounds, Sands had tried to stab me a few times, with my permission.  
  
Each time he did it, it was the same as before, I could feel the steel against my arm, then nothing, but even as unnerving as that was his hand on my arm was enough to make me trust him, well that, and the fact that he can't stab me.  
  
We sit there in silence for a while just feeling each others presence and warmth. Listening to each other breath, feeling the rising and falling of our chests, I had all but fallen asleep when Sands clears his throat and speaks.  
  
"I think we're sobering up, we should go and find the good Captain and make sure he hasn't forgotten about us or before he gets so drunk that he forgets how to work his dick never mind the fact that he's got two little Passengers to take to France" Sands says as he removes his arms from me.  
  
"There's a very good cure for sobering up y'know, and Jack will never forget how to use that thing, but he might forget about us, do you really think Buck will be in France?" I stand up........ well attempt, to on the third try I get it, though I have my arms held out in front of me in a very Jackish manner. Sands stands next to me with ease, apparently somebody sobers up quite fast.  
  
"I have no idea where he is, but finding him isn't my job that's what you're here to do, I'm here to fuck with peoples heads. That was our agreement" he starts to get things together including his hat, which had fallen off his head at some point.  
  
I look around for my weapons. Sands brought them with him, I spot them on the floor and put them in there places noting that the blade I used to stab Gates was clean. I reload the pistol using the shot from my jacket and turn to Sands as I put my hat on.  
  
"Well come on sugar butt, rum waits for no girl" he opens the door and gestures for me to go first I do but not before grabbing Jacks shirt and tucking it under my arm.  
  
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A/n- that's all for tonight. Sorry it took so long. If you've been checking the review page to see why it was so late you'll know that I crashed my car. It still hurts to type for prolonged periods, so I'm going to go to bed and sleep for a very, very long time......... well until collage tomorrow.  
  
I should get the next chapter up tomorrow it will be another short one as it was originally the other part o' this one. I just need a little more time on it and I don't have that tonight. Which means, that as long as I'm not in any more car crashes I should get another longer chapter for Friday. Fingers crossed.  
  
As always please review, cus it's nice. I'll get to put the author's thanks in with the next chapter.  
  
Also I haven't been able to read this through finally so if you spot any mistakes please let me know, savvy?  
  
Thanks. 


	16. A polar bear? On the deck?

Warnings- Severe drug content. I do not condone the taking of drugs, drugs are uber bad, so if anyone wants to get out of their faces on drugs of any kind please don't say "Linz told me to", that's my excuse, well Cat tells me to, but that's a conversation for another day.  
  
The point is that drugs are bad and if you take them it's not my fault, unless I give them to you, and even then I won't FORCE you to take it, Savvy?  
  
So if you have like an uber problem with my characters taking drugs, then tough, it's my fic and it's not like I can stop them from doing it, you try telling them that they can't, cause they're already telling me to "fuck off" at the thought of it.  
  
Disclaimers- I don't own the boys, but I think I own a couple bottles of rum, which is almost as good in my books, rum don't complain and hit on you........... well it depends on how drunk you are at the time.  
  
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Last time Cash's pov,  
  
"Cash, is that mushrooms?" she points to a big box of, well mushrooms of the uber magic variety, Depp starts to shriek in amusement and anticipation........... like he was getting any, poor guy.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~###~~~~~~~~~  
  
After some close consideration, we decided not to eat the mushrooms.  
  
Actually we had no choice in the matter, due to the fact that as soon as our back were turned that little, fuck pig of a monkey jumped in to the box and started to consume every type of mushroom shaped thing in there.  
  
By the time we'd stopped him and locked him in the chest, there was none left. Okay there was a few left, but not enough to do the two of us any good. So we're fighting over what's left.  
  
"Cash, you really don't want to be tripping with me around sober, do you?" we're standing toe to toe. Depp is screeching in the chest, but its only frustration, the trip hasn't gotten him yet, although I don't know what that amount of mushrooms will do to someone his size  
  
"Hell yeah, sides you won't be sober, we'll get you a good proper dosage of laudanum, and....." I look to the Cupboard of magical tricks to help me come up with an alternative, to magically procure a solution to our lack of hallucinogen problem.  
  
"No I want those fucking mushrooms now" she all but shouts, we're going to have to be more quiet, or else the Captains attention will be brought to us. Still looking in the Cupboard, willing it, in desperation to show me something better, I speak to her.  
  
"Cat... love. You're going to have to stop shouting because...." I trail off having noticed something on the top shelf.  
  
"Because what?" she snaps, over Depp's constant shrieking.  
  
"Y'know what? Let's give the little basterd the rest o' the mushrooms, let him suffer, it might even teach him a lesson. Why should we fight over them?" she eyes me suspiciously, meanwhile Depp has gone silent, obviously waiting to see if we're going to give him more drugs.  
  
"What have you spotted?"  
  
"Something good, but we'll need to get that fluffy fucker, fucked first, savvy?" I rush the last five words joining them together so he can't understand me. She gives me one last doubtful look before agreeing.  
  
As we opened the lid, the little basterd launches himself out of the chest and into the cupboard, where he begins to stuff his face with the remaining mushrooms, making snarffling sounds as he pushes them into his mouth. Once finished he looks from Cat to me then yelps at something next to him and runs under the bed.  
  
"Well, somebody's going to have quiet a ride for the next few hours. So, Cash what have you seen in there?" she motions to the cupboard.  
  
"Few hours? He'll be like that for days, and judging by the amount for his body mass its going to be a bad trip or at least a heavy one" I can't keep the laughter from my voice as I speak, Depp's going to have it bad for a little while.  
  
"I thought that you were the nice one and I was the bad one. Obviously not, seen as how you take pleasure in the pain of an innocent animal."  
  
"Innocent? The basterd stole my mushrooms. Anyway do you or do you not want to see what I've found?"  
  
"Sure go ahead, it better not be that grass, cus I can see it from here, and knew we had it." I reach up to the top shelf and grab a basket and show her the contents.  
  
"Do you know what this is?" she peers into the basket.  
"You mean to tell me that you don't know! (She slaps me hard across the face) We gave, that overgrown sea monkey the last of our mushrooms, just because you wanted to know what's in your basket? Now, your going to have to take a time out, so that you can think about this situation and when you get back, just try and tell me that it wasn't the stupidest idea that you've EVER had"  
  
She makes a move to slap me, but I grab her hand with my free one, but I only have one free hand and she's pulling with the other. She's going to knock me clean out if I don't do something so I shout the only thing to make her stop.  
  
"MESCALINE!"  
  
She blinks and stops mid swing.  
"What?"  
"That's what's in the basket, mescaline..... well not quite. It's dried parts of a cactus, and judging by the other substances in the cupboard, I recon that's its peyote." She looks confused.  
  
"Huh? A pe-whaty?" she really has no idea, I pause a moment before answering her enjoying the feeling of getting one up on her for once, not as good, I suppose as getting one UP her... I just can't have one moment of peaceful thought by myself without one of those cropping up can in? Anyway....  
  
"A peyote cactus, it produces mescaline. Or well, contains it at least all we have to do is chew them then wait." She picks one of the pieces out and studies it.  
  
"How long do we have to wait?"  
"'Bout an hour" she pops the thing in her mouth and starts to chew. I get a piece and follow her example as I do Depp briefly sticks his head out from under the bed then squeals and scurries back. He's in quiet a place right now; in fact his brain may never recover from the things he's seeing. I almost feel sorry for him.... Almost.  
  
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A/n- So poor little Depp, I'd just like to say at this point that no animals were harmed during the typing of this chapter, trust Cat to pick up the only substance abusing monkey on the planet, 'cept maybe the monkey from Dr Dolittle, but I think Depp could take him any day.  
  
Alright, here we go, but first I just want to point out that not everything that Cash says or sees is true. But I think that's kinda self explanetary.  
  
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"Doctors Log- drug count; two large cacti, some grass and a whole lotta mushrooms."  
  
(I read aloud as I write, in a very star trek sounding way. I've decided to keep a record of our journey using the last doctors books, so that we'll remember it if nothing else)  
  
It's been two hours since we ate the cactus, for scientific research purposes only, I am a doctor after all I must know the effects of the drug myself before I pass them on to my patients, we had no idea how much to take, so we ate a lot of it, now we suffer the consequences of our own experimentation.  
  
Cat, my psychotic companion on this trip, is lying on the floor, mumbling incoherently about butterflies and interestingly enough daffodils, yellow ones at that, evil creatures they be.  
  
Security officer Depp, the muscle in this mission, took an oath of sobriety so that he could protect us if something went wrong, but even he, yes I said even he, our pillar of strength and in-corruptibility has been corrupted by the drug frenzy that I see before me.  
  
He swallowed one or two mushrooms, poor fellow. He now believes himself to be invisible and is currently prancing around the room wearing some form of pillow case while making ghost-like noises.  
  
Why doesn't anyone tell him that he's not invisible? Well, to tell you the truth I'm scared. I would tell him, but he seems to have made friends with a ghost. It's a cunning fiend, to be sure; every time Depp disappears this friend of his suddenly appears in his place, it scares me and its unnatural to say the least. If I stay still and pretend not to see it, it leaves me alone and carries about its business.  
  
As for me, I thankfully remain unaffected by the cacti's strange ways. For now anyway.  
  
This is Doctor Bates, signing out.  
  
##  
  
Slowly, I look up to see that Depp has stopped his frolicking and is crouching by the door, peering out of the key hole. He turns to me.  
  
"You should see this man, over there... two pirates fucking a polar bear" I sit up in the chair and look at him and he just stares back smiling.  
  
He spoke... did he speak?... Can he speak? What he did he say? Two pirates and a polar bear? Making love? Surely not, only now as I filter the monkey's words through my brain do I realise just how seriously wrong they are. I can't cope with this information right now.  
  
"Don't tell me that shit right now man, I'm not equipped for that much baggage" I close my eyes and rub them with my hand. All I can hear is the sound of Cat singing a song about daffodil shaped butterflies she's just made up. I open my eyes and look for Depp he's now sitting on the bed with a piece of rolled up parchment up his nose, snorting what appears to be a line of white powder. Now that's something you don't see everyday.  
  
Again I close my eyes and drift off to Cat's singing. A moment later, of maybe a few hours, we'll never know, the door opens and a big ass pirate covered in scars walks in carrying, what appears to be a large tray of food which he sits it on the bed.  
  
"The captain says to give you some food, also he wanted me to tell you that there's a storm coming so it's going to get a bit rough" he goes towards the door about to leave, but I have to ask him a question, now. If I don't do it now, I'll sober up then I'll never know the answer.  
  
"Do you get paid extra to fuck that bear?" I blurt out to him as he reaches the door, he glances over his shoulder but keeps on walking; maybe it's a sensitive subject for him.  
  
As the door shuts Cat jumps up, out of her trance and grabs Depp by the arms and shakes him.  
"Bear? Was it blue? Did it look like an overgrown furby? Was it Buck? Answer me, God dammit."  
  
Depp just hangs there staring at her like she's lost her mind which, she may very well have done.  
  
"Who's Buck?" I ask her, being unable to picture this blue, furby-like critter. At that, the boat entered the storm; we're going to be in for a long night of confusion.  
  
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A/n- Right, that's done for now, next time I'm going to be in it and there's going to be less drug consumption.  
  
Author's thanks;  
  
AndromedaStarr- Did I get you name right this time? Anyways, Sands said to tell you that there's smut coming up real soon, savvy? I personally have no idea what he's on about.  
  
Captain-Jacklyn-Sparrow- You asked me ages ago what I was gonna lose next? Obviously the answer was my car, nah it'll probably be me mind, or Cat I'd love to lose Cat. Maybe I'll get lucky and she'll run off chasing butterflies. Hey if there is a sequel I'll call it "Where the fuck is Buck?" what do you think?  
  
Free-scallywag- keep reading I hope you enjoy it. I love it when people say "drinks all round" it makes me run to the fridge to pour one.  
  
Julia Green- I was so flattered that you said it read like fear and loathing. I wrote the first few chapters before I read the book and I had forgotten 'bout the film, so when I read your review I thought, wow somebody's really drunk and reviewing the wrong fic. I hope you are still reading and enjoying it.  
  
Lindorial- Right!.. you, woman. I got me a bone to pick wi' you, first of all stop calling me Hitler. Second, don't call me wench. There was a third, but I can't remember (walks away muttering to self 'bout a long slow screw) when are you an' crims' gonna get togrther and write a fic so I can spoil your best bits in reviews?  
  
Crimson Wrath- Kiss, Kiss my ass, you told people that I wasn't wearing the damm brace. I'm not entirely talking to you. Thanks for posting the message though, even if it was late. When are you and lin gonna write a fic?  
  
Mistress of Destruction- nah it has nothing to do wi' the matrix, I don't really know where its from. That's okay just review when you can. Yes my boys are yellow snow eaters it can't be helped, I think it's the male mentality.  
  
Blacklable- yeah that nagging face its funny unless its telling you tha' ye' can't drink. So yeah getting wrecked is weird nowadays we're minus Buck but up Sands an' Depp, and don't think for one moment that just because Jack aint in me head that he doesn't pop up whenever rum is involved. I've turned in to a very confused person.  
  
Defina- thanks for the flowers an' candy, Depp ate them before I got a chance to see them but thanks. I'm glad you still like it and its okay when you don't review... I suppose (Sigh, wipes tears from eyes) nah, only kidding but I do love reviews, c'ya.  
  
Keep the reviews comming and I'll keep typing, savvy? If you see any obvious mistakes please let me know.  
  
Drug note- I have no idea what a mescaline trip is like so I did that on my own. Also they didn't have cocaine back in the days of old, so I don't know what Cash saw Depp snort. Mescaline does come from the peyote cactus though, it also comes from the unrelated mescal bean.. See I did research.  
  
Kay, I'm gonna go now, so please review.  
  
Review now, please. Thanks. 


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